Here’s a fun game… First, look up the most popular and critically-acclaimed books, movies, and music on Amazon. Click on “Customer Reviews,” and sort them by “Lowest Rating First.” Hilarity ensues! It’s the Amazon.com Knee-Jerk Contrarian Game!
Post your own favorites in the comments! (Coming soon: The Slashdot.org Knee-Jerk Contrarian Game.)
July 14, 2004: In a weird coincidence, Justine Larbalestier came up with the same idea on her own weblog two days before this entry. Creepy.
July 29, 2004: Alan Taylor wrote a neat utility that lets you easily find the 10 lowest-ranked reviews, without even going to Amazon. Yay!
Music
- “This is one of the worst albums I’ve ever bought. It’s so boring and lifeless. Good to fall asleep to.”
- “its boredom,nostalgia and scarcely concealed contempt make it the perfect background music for this narcissistic age of ours.”
- “I found Mr. Davis’ playing to be laughable at best. Finally, it’s irritating; and confusing that so many people laud it.”
- “If pretension, tedium, and self-indulgence are your idea of what should animate music, then this is the album and Miles Davis is the ‘artist’ for you.”
- “Kindle for your campfire; better yet an apology from Apple Records for creating this toxic waste”
- “This CD looks good in a garbage can…..god awful, what were they thinking???”
- “This is, put simply, one of the worst albums I have ever listened to.”
- “If you want to hear a peak in popular rock music listen to (for example) “Use Your Illusion I & II” by Guns N’ Roses. These are the kind of albums that deserve all the praise the White Album gets.”
- “This is not the Beach Boys. It can’t be. Why? No beach songs! I thought it was some kind of joke. All ‘Pet Sounds’ offers is the opportunity to hear Brian Wilson whine for forty minutes, backed by elevator music.”
- “It’s full of bland harmonizing by guys that could barely swim.”
- “The lyrics consist of commonplace rhyming conversational prose, totally lacking in imagery, metaphor and anything else that separates verse from poetry.”
Bob Dylan, “Highway 61 Revisited”
- “One big giant dud! Insane lyrics, horrible singing”
- “He set the precedent that doomed rock ‘n roll to always being a semantic eunuch.”
- “Most of the songs are as a rule decent enough, but can anyone really listen to the howling vocals for longer than a few minutes at a time?!”
- “Bob Dylan had to either have been completely tone deaf, or carried one of the largest egos on the planet not to let someone better sing his songs, or at least to take lessons.”
John Coltrane, “A Love Supreme”
- “Coltrane’s A Love Supreme is the most overhyped jazz album in history. It is music? Maybe. But I find it to be unlistenable, despite several efforts to find something good in it.”
- “The first number is torture if you like melodic music. There’s no connection between the phasing and the rhythm. Again, is this supposed to be clever?”
- “Nobody will care about the technical achievements of these guys in 100 years.”
- “I think about Kenny G., for instance. His rythmic session is much more regular, whereas Coltrane’s session seems sometimes to loose the beat.”
Movies
- “I’m pretty sure I will enjoy it a lot more when Warner Bros finally gets around to releasing the colorized version, the way this movie needs to be seen – the world is not black and white, why should our movies be?”
- “Bergman’s constant near nervous breakdown into weepiness or breathy asthma seems forced and adoleescent rather than the mental state of a mature woman.”
- “I would like to have rated this ‘video’ zero-stars, but 1-star is as bad as it can be rated.”
- “This movie is horrible! It is so boring and unoriginal that I can’t stand it.”
- “If you’re a fan of hammy acting and schmaltzy stories, this movie is for you.”
- “Also the color — what is this fixation on color in that period? Tone things down, please.”
- “For one thing, I don’t like to watch things with witches in them, especially if one of them is portrayed as a ‘good witch’ – that’s an oxymoron I can’t reconcile with.”
- “Well, maybe in 1939 it was great, put today in 2001 this film is just toooooooooo outdated and hokey.”
- “The only good thing about Citizen Kane is that it will put you to sleep faster than any film.”
- “Please stop the hype on Citizen Kane. It doesn’t work. It’s like you are trying to convince people that poop smells good.”
- “Citizen Kane is a hymn to all filmmakers who have ever tried to create something artistic and meaningful and failed miserably every step of the way.”
- “It was just a bad attempt at a boring story about newspaper tycoon. It’s one of the worst movies I have ever seen.”
- “This paean to middle-aged scofflaws, attempts to persuade the viewer to side with rapists, thieves, and murderers.”
- “That pretty much sums up the plot of Shawshank, nothing but a formula picture that you have seen before.”
- “It’s a shame that a briliiant actor and director had to fall victum to the use of vile language when it was proven by the television version that it was completely unnecessary to the impact and story line.”
- “And finally … what kind of ending is it where two dudes are together on a beach.”
- “It’s a boring hype, with not enough action.”
- “‘The Godfather’ has an ugly consciousness and a mean spirit. I see no justification for it, thoroughly disliked it, and have tried to forget it.”
- “This movie was so violent I couldn’t believe it!”
Books
- “Pretentious intellectual self-absorption”
- “Most of the book strikes me as an attempt by the author to show how very clever he was with word play and analogy and practically every other literary devise under the sun.”
- “For all the great style modern authors may use, they are just using it to cover up a total lack of substance.”
- “Life is too short to waste your time on this crap!”
- “Ulysses is a hardcover bounded knife in the face.”
F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “The Great Gatsby”
- “It was poorly structured, the story is unclear and it is not very memorable.”
- “Anyone who is an ancestor to that worthless excuse of an American novelist should be offered sincere consoling and extreme sympathies.”
- “The love story was predictable and the characters were obnoxious.”
- “It’s just so haphazard and bad that people mistake it for being good.”
J.D. Salinger, “Catcher in the Rye”
- “A dull, pendantic book about a dull, pedantic hypocrite.”
- “This book was linked with the murders of John Lennon, and actress Rebecca Schaeffer. How could this book be around, when so many nutcases use it for such things?”
- “Salinger is the real phony here.”
- “I find it as pointless as the day i read it. You would be much better off reading a nice Grisham, actually…”
Kurt Vonnegut, “Slaughterhouse Five”
- “Vonnegut is no better or worse than Daniele Steele!”
- “The novel is written in a childish absurdist style that becomes wearisome very quickly.”
- “I read it, but I literally have no idea what this book is about. And I’m not reading it again to find out either.”
- “A tangled mess of disjointed scenes and uninspiring ramblings.”
Books
King James Bible, both new and old testament
Ernest Hemmingway – The Old Man & the Sea
Bill Clinton – My Life
(So this one’s not a classic, but…)
Norah Jones, “Come Away With Me”
Neuromancer by William Gibson
2001 – A Space Odyssey
The Lord of the Rings – The Return of the King
Leaves of Grass:
1. I will never read this now. But I might give a copy to some gal so I can get laid. Ummmm, y-e-e-e-s!
2. Whitman’s descriptions of nature are inspired and his style exudes with the same passion as his subject. Yet, his self-absorption overshadows his talent. Whitman’s poem, “Song of Myself” takes up a significant portion of the book, Leaves of Grass. Here, Whitman keeps no points in reserve, but spends 52 sections “celebrating” himself. He feels he, as man, is the great panacea. He suckles at its mercy until it fills not only his subject matter, but influences his technique and his structure as well. His intriguing mind leads the reader along, until disappointment is found in another laborious passage expounding god status and the call to ascend to his level of distorted thinking. Whitman’s momentary descriptive nuggets are lost in a sea of narcissism.
3. Although he may be as genius as he is, Walt Whitman is just random. His structure and development are atrocious, leaving us in a cloud of confusion. His lists, names, and metaphors can only be described as random thought. And don’t even get me started on his comma use. That’s how my little sister writes for crying out loud! I mean, don’t you remember? You’d get lucky if you found an “and” in there somewhere. Granted, he did revolutionize poetry and writing as we know it. However, certain selections for his ever famous Song of Myself show that he can sure describe those bodily actions that he seems to love so much. I can cut him some slack, probably because he’s a romantic writer, but his random stringing of words, phrases, and lists do his poetry injustice. Poor Jonathon Edwards would be turning in his grave…
4. It’s sad that the way in which I happened upon this group of poems is by reading an article in today’s New York Post that lists this a one of Clinton’s gifts to his lovely Monica- An American Treasure given to an American Tramp.
5.
Oh, nicely done.
Lawrence of Arabia
To my horror, I saw that Columbia had seen fit to alter a masterpiece. Yes, the film came complete with those horrific black bars at the top and bottom of my screen, which obscured about half of the picture. I’ve seen those bars on the “artsy” videos on TV, and I sometimes enjoy them. But this is a classic work of art! You don’t try to make it “hip” and “relevant” with modern touches. It would be like adding a moustache to the Mona Lisa.
Until Columbia drops the act and releases “Lawrence of Arabia” without those bars, letting us see all of the picture, stay away.
I had to see what people thought of my favorite book…
Catch-22
-“The writing is incredibly long-winded (he needed to EDIT, he needed a COMPUTER) and Heller always chooses the MORE OBSCURE word over the more ACCESSIBLE, STUPIDER (Heller probably thought) word.”
-“This book could have been summed up in one chapter, and in all its wordiness the only point is that war is extremely boring.”
-“I always wanted to read Catch 22 because it was a famous book (and of course the term was used in a Metallica song).”
Hilarious!
Too easy, and too funny!
Seven Samurai
Nirvana: Nevermind
Pink Floyd: Dark Side of the Moon
The Philadelphia Story
Spiderman
My friend and I have been doing this for years. Some of our reviews of Homer:
Review of http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0374525749/qid=1000442750/sr=8-1/ref=aps_sr_b_1_1/107-3725577-0880546
Yet more Hollywood Pabulum (reviewer from Overarch Ace)
Though Fitzgerald is a competent translator of Homer’s Spike-Lee influenced [Aeolian], the disappointing truth is you can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear. Homer would be best left outside the circle of his fellow Greeks Sophocles and Plato and re-establish himself as a writer for SNL or maybe Married with Children. Were Homer alive today hew would no doubt be plotting out the next Buffy the Vampire Slayer storyboard as we speak. Those who know the original Greek can feel the harsh dissonance of Homer’s words echoing in Fitzgerald. English has blunted some of the edges, but the overall horrific effect of Homer’s screeches and moans is too evil to killed, yet too sinister to be contemplated.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0060931957/qid=1000443207/sr=2-2/107-3725577-0880546
Another Blatant Gilgamesh Ripoff (from Babylon, Mes)
I curse the gift of sight which makes it possible for me to read these words. Riddled with lame and unconvincing characters, schticky plot-twists, and a second rate d&d fantasy land, Homer’s text reads like a 6th grader’s unsaved Final Fantasy quest. This overrated yawn-fest has made its mark on history not through its qualities but by its lack of them. The ages stand in awe of this stupendous work of anti-art which yet casts its sick shadow. Phear!
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0140268863/qid=1000443369/sr=8-3/ref=aps_sr_b_1_3/107-3725577-0880546
Are they still talking about this guy? (reviewer from Geigh, Boy)
Same old junk in a shiny new suit. Fagles valiantly tries to infuse some life into Homer’s flop-tastic epic, with the addendum of a chase sequence and the flashback to Odysseus’ birthday party at the county fair, one cannot help but feel these a bit contrived – like ruffling papers to hide a fart. We still smell you, Homer, and you still stink.
It is not the fault of the translator – a golden temple cannot be built on blocks of excrement.
Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon
Fight Club(movie)
Stupid plot. Stupid plot. Stupid plot. Stupid plot. Stupid plot.
Pass on this movie. Don’t waste your money.
edward norton is in it. and so is brad pit. and little shots of penises here and there. i mean COME ON! soap made of fat? a secret “fight club?”
Dr. Strangelove or How I Learned to stop Worrying and Love the Bomb
Slim Pickens riding the bomb is a reference that is part of the American culture. Other than knowing the origin of this reference, this movie is a waste of time.
Psycho (original)
This film is so boring and in the shower scene it was obviously Bates the wig even from shadow was awful. SEE THE REMAKE FAR MORE ENTERTAINING!
The Shining
This movie is very boring and is quite pointless. Why does he write ‘All work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy’? It is very very slow moving and not many will get the whole plot, as they might forget most of what happened before the movie is over and will have to watch it again to ‘get it’. Kids 11-15 will be bored out of their wits! This is definately a movie directed at older auidences, as they will understand the plot better. I was not scared at all! I’ve seen bunny masks scarier than this sad excuse for a movie.
Simpsons: The Complete First Season
Godel, Escher, Bach
This is one of the better ones, both a review of the book and a review of a review of a review:
And it looks like somebody got his doctorate in the humanities! This a mound of name dropping and “appeal to” arguments. I like how he inserts himself (“My own publications…”) into the review:
This is fun. Last one:
Gandhi
Deliverance
wasnt too bad actually pretty decent until the great climax of horror that no other man should have to see with his own eyes neither be owned or played on my tv. it left me dissappointed and wishing i never saw it. but i wont ruin it for you if you wanna know go ask someone.
Requeim for a Dream
Sure to make you want to turn the director upside down and shake him to get your money back. I honestly think this jack ass director only made this movie to degrade poor Jennifer Connelly. There is no point to this sadistic trash. Scenes of shooting up into an arm with gangrene that is eventually sawed off, Prostitution, vomiting, electro shock, stabbings, shootings and infantile over use of camera tricks insures bad times. No story or plot here. zero stars.
Mulholland Drive
Another thing we weren’t expecting was that this movie had lesbian love scenes and also a masturbation sequence. Overall, the movie was nothing we expected and we plan never to watch it again.
Chinatown
While most critics laud CHINATOWN as the best film in Polanski’s career, I find it probably his worst. Polanski once claimed that this film was inspired by Howard Hawks’ 1945 classic, THE BIG SLEEP, but he obviously has made a serious mistake in his job of imitation. In THE BIG SLEEP, the detective Humphrey Bogart is a friend of Lauren Bacall’s father, and this is how he gets himself involved. Bacall’s father trusts Bogart! But in CHINATOWN, Polanski seems to have completely forgotten the importance of such human relationship. In the first place, the setting is all wrong. Jack Nicholson is a nobody; Faye Dunaway is a woman with a very complicated background; John Huston is her monstrous father. Such relationship makes Dunaway’s approach to Nicholson totally unconvincing. … Huston is a beast who has designed the most complicated and clever plot. Witty it may seem, but is it really? …. The ending simply contradicts everything previously told in the film. In other words, this film is a mistake from the beginning to the end, and to award this film an Oscar for the best screenplay was the greatest mistake on earth! Was the Academy blind or something!
The French Connection
C’mon people! How fun is it to watch a racist, lewd, borrish, and dumb person beating up people for no f—–g reason. As little as possible. All the film does is show two unorthadox sleep in car all night, hold up bars just because there are black people there, and reapeatedly getting the same food as 24 minutes ago. And a point that should go out, THERE IS NO CAR CHASE! Just someone chasing a train! I will end by saying that this trashy film deserved no oscars! BYE!
The Godfather
“The Godfather” has an ugly consciousness and a mean spirit. I see no justification for it, thoroughly disliked it, and have tried to forget it.
Abbey Road
I bought this album because I totally thought the guy on the right was Kate Hudson’s husband. So I mean, I THOUGHT I was scoring some QUALITY stoner grooves or like, something kinda White Stripey.
Dude, was I wrong.
Like, are there ANY phat beats on this thing? Um, NO–I heard they don’t tour at all–I bet they can’t dance, ’cause not one of their boy band harmonies has a kickin’ beat behind it, so what’s the point?
And what’s with the look? I mean, dude, hit a gymn already, and like, catch Queer Eye like even once, and get some product in your hair.
And those lyrics…they don’t take it from the streets to the suburbs (props to Eminem) or the suburbs to the suburbs (shout out to tha Kid)–in fact THEY DON’T RAP AT ALL. I Want You (She’s So Heavy)–I mean, sure we all want the hot girl, but do you have to make the other girl who’s fat feel bad by telling her that? Too cold. And what’s with Carry That Weight–is the guy going with the fat girl after all, or has he gotten fat himself? Confusing. Give Me “your body is a wonderland” any day.
Speaking of heavy, forget slammin’ tracks–these guys are ENGLISH, so they don’t hit it like like Korn or Limp Bizkit or Phantom Planet. And okay, yeah, Sun King was kind of cool to chill to, but it would be better if it lasted like, twenty minutes with the same downbeats going all the way through–you can’t get halfway through your doobie before the song is like, over. And Polythene Pam right after? Freaked me out, man.
So, in summary, check out a real band like Incubus.
Schindler’s List
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare
The Cat in the Hat
symbol, whose sole purpose is the corruption and temptation of the
children. He is DEMONIZING them! The fish represents reason and
sensibility (God), and the author has made the cat satan… so look at
this: Cats EAT fish!
overblown reputation. Maybe it’s the only children’s book most people
were exposed to.
only mildly amusing when it first appeared – why are people still
reading this trash now? Why do so many people in their *30s* list this
as their favorite book?
child, his books used to terrify me. Particularly The Cat in the Hat,
as well as the sinister Thing duo.
The Sound of Music
* It’s movies like this that really damage people, and turn them into namby-pamby prudish, wimpy, panty waists. If the SPCS would realize this, maybe their “job” would have some merit. Leonard Maltin claims that this movie pleased more people than any other in history. That’s disturbing.
* Is it possible to contract diabetes from watching a movie? The Sound of Music comes pretty darn close! Overly sentimental pablum with unremarkable songs. Too cutesy, too long, too boring.
* This movie is really borring. Don’t get me wrong I like Juile Andrews, but I find her more attractive now. I could watch Princess Diaries over and over and never get bored with her. But in this movie she looked more like Sandy Dunncen, the women from Hogen Family. She was the woman that replaced Valerie Harper after there was a problem with production. I did like Valerie better then Sandy, but I find Sandy more attactive then Valerie, but I like Julie Andrews more then both of them, but I especially like the modern Julie Andrews more now then in this movie. The only person that did a good job was James Cann. He was able to provide substance to an otherwise slow moving movie. You might remember James Cann from Roolerball and the comedy Godfather. He was good as the comic relief in that movie. I hope that he can put this movie behind him and get to more productive movies like his part in Back to the Future or Alien Nation.
I’ve been collecting gushy reviews of undeserving books….
Great Expectations
While cultural pundits try to convince you that some literature is better than other literature, the truth is that all art is relative to individial tastes. Thus, it doesn’t make any sense to think that a novel like this one is really any better than say, Michael Crichton or Stephen King. Aesthetic standards can’t be grounded.
Thus, don’t listen to anyone who tries to distinguish between “serious” works of literature like this one and allegedly “lesser” novels. The distinction is entirely illusory, because no novels are “better” than any others, and the concept of a “great novel” is an intellectual hoax.
if you don’t like reading books with way too much detail than don’t buy this book. when i was reading it i couldn’t understand anything it said. if you are older maybe you wouldn’t think it’s boring, or if you like this author’s books, but i thought it was very boring and it took me forever and a half to read.
This is an awful book. I would just assume to eat it than read it again. If you have anything better to do, don’t read this book. I would give it 0 stars if I could.
Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar
“I’m sorry, but you DO NOT kill yourself after you’ve had children. Sorry, but once you have kids, the suicide option is out. Tell that to Kurt Cobain and Ian Curtis and any other self-centered artist: Try being a responsible human being for a change and quit thinking only about yourself so much.”
Pavement, Slanted & Enchanted
“ok, this band is not that good. Plain and Simple.
They sound like Beck trying to Cover Weezer songs!…Also, Contuid (sic) for Sale sounds like Primus, but in this case, not in a good way.”
U2’s Joshua Tree:
“The Joshua Tree” is without a doubt the worst album in the history of rock by the worst band in rock. Not even the Beatles are as annoying as U2.
The worst part is, every time I hear a song off “The Joshua Tree” it gets stuck in my head and it’s almost impossible to purge for the rest of the day. If I want to become extremely angry or frustrated all I need to do hear a song off this album. After being tortured by this music, I need to listen to Slayer to calm down.
Led Zeppelin are the most overrated band of all time. U2 come 2nd.
Ralph Ellison’s Invisible Man:
The only think this book is about is how black people were treated so badly, I don’t feel bad for them because they didn’t try to change it.
I think that one’s a winner
Invisible man by ralph ellison gave me the worst agony of any book i’ve ever had to read in school. it has absolutely NO plot and it is totally biased. i hated it- and if your under the age of 65 you will too.
This book was as intellectually stimulating as watching a blind goat rape a treestump. I’ve never been as horrified in my life as I was by this terrible, terrible disgrace upon writing.
Gary Larson’s The Complete Far Side, 1980 – 1994
– Ok, I admit I am weak. But this thing is way too heavy. Don’ even think of bringing it on an airplane. Buy an IPAQ.
Pink Floyd, The Wall
– A double album!!! As if one records worth of music wasn’t bad enough, Floyd have to put out a double album, to double the pain and agony that comes from listening to these guys. Again, The songs are dull and have no structure or rythm.
Since it is a double, it will probably be a little more expensive, so avoid and pick up Damita Jo and Justified for two albums of breathtaking music.
– i say the inside art to the duble LD and it sc ared me. the music didn;t help. why do bnands like being so scary?
And just for a change, a positive (if somewhat tragic) review of The Easy-Bake Master Chef Oven!
– For about six weeks, I enjoyed my Easy Bake Oven. I would offer hot baked goods to my guests, always daring them to tell me where my latest cookie or small cake came from. They never could, and stood in amazement when I informed them of the cooking power harnessed in this little machine. Needless to say, I loved it. One day, I decided to try the oven’s magical powers on the perfect food, the ham-and-cheese Hot Pocket. Bad idea. After a few short minutes, my Pocket was a charred mess and the inside of the oven was coated with hot ham and cheese. It may sound delicious, but it was the final breath for my oven. It hasn’t worked right since – now my guests complain that my tiny cookies and cakes “taste like meat”. I don’t dislike the product. On the contrary, I’ll be buying another one eventually. I just dislike myself for trying to break the rules, and failing. Just like usual.
Gone With the Wind
How could anyone say this is the geatest movie of all time?! The script is absolutely corny, the whole story in general is VERY unrealistic and dumb, the acting is down right STUPID, got sooooo boring after the first 30 minutes, and speaking of minutes this worthless film is WAY to long! 4 and a half hours?!! Get real people!!! If you want to watch some REAL entertainment check out “The Matrix”, “Terminator 2”, “Blade”, “Gladiator”, or “Independence Day”.
Some of those have to be jokes, e.g. The Seven Samauri: “This movie seems to be a scene-by-scene copy of one of my favorite movies-“Magnificent Seven”. Magnificent seven is a classic movie that has been copied many times, but I didn’t know westerns were popular enough in japan to be copied.”
(of course, the influence went the other way).
Abbey Road
“I bought this album because I totally thought the guy on the right was Kate Hudson’s husband. So I mean, I THOUGHT I was scoring some QUALITY stoner grooves or like, something kinda White Stripey.
Dude, was I wrong.
Like, are there ANY phat beats on this thing? Um, NO–I heard they don’t tour at all–I bet they can’t dance, ’cause not one of their boy band harmonies has a kickin’ beat behind it, so what’s the point?”
Moby Dick
To me, this isn’t so much a story about an elusive, self-preserving whale who antagonized a crazy old captain on a quest for revenge, but as a ‘how to’ book on fishing whales.
This book is HORRIBLE! Classic, my eye! I would love to know what’s so great about this book. I have seen better writing in a Hallmark card! Boring! Give me a good ole copy of Elvis and Me!
f your looking for a good book, dont read this, you will only become agitated. Such was the case with me. I am quite the fan of stories which involve man eating sea creatures, such as Jaws. Moby Dick is nothing compared to such classics, I fear.
In fact, it is boring with a capital B. What is the whales motivation? You dont know.
The Metamorphosis, Franz K
If there were a 0 star rating that’s exactly what I would have given this usless, worthless, example of wasted paper. I wouldn’t read this work again if I were paid one million dollars. In my opinion, it sounded like it was written by someone on weed. I say he woke up trippin and saw himself as a bug and later decided to write about it.
sh*t sandwic (sic)
1984
Great attitude George. I truly believe that Orwell’s sole purpose for writing this novel was to encourage anarchy, and to convince his readers to be subordinate to authority. Though society and government are not perfect, they are not as evil and as oppressive as Orwell made them out to be. He creates a negative Utopia in hopes to make people hate their leaders and to disagree with any form of government. It is because of people like Orwell that our nation, as well as other nations, are so dramatically torn by the opinions of citizens towards their leaders, and their leader’s decisions. Also, at the end of this novel, Orwell leaves readers with a sense of hopelessness, by allowing his main character to be manipulated, tortured, and brainwashed into following what Orwell inderectly refers to as government. Let’s try to be a little more optomistic, and work on a happier ending, shall we?
Thus, don’t listen to anyone who tries to distinguish between “serious” works of literature like this one and allegedly “lesser” novels. The distinction is entirely illusory, because no novels are “better” than any others, and the concept of a “great novel” is an intellectual hoax. This book isn’t as good as Harry Potter in MY opinion, and no one can refute me. Tastes are relative!
It was just thoughts of a sad man with perverse and suspicouis thoughts. The main character constantly dwelled on how horrible everything was and eventually how he was going to fight against it. But never did, unless you count having an affair and writing in a journal or buying an old paperweight.
At times the story would pick up, and just as quickly as it picked up it drastically fell back into the continuous complaints of Winston.
1984 is well written. I guess, there were quantities of complex words tied in with a new language created within the book (Newsspeak). Keep your dictionary handy.
The chararcters also lacks personality. They were so 2 deminsional.
Overall it was impossibly hard to follow, and paragraphs could be skipped and you wouldnt miss a thing.
Not to mention that tragic ending. No steps were made toward anything! It stops about were it left off except Winston loves BB and loves his torturor.
This book was an overrated classic and a big fat FLUB!
1984 is one of the biggest cult classic ever. The only difference is that some people say “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” is very good, and some say it is very bad. I have only heard revered praise for “1984”.
It is innacurate, too. In “1984” the government influenced people’s minds, taking away their free will. In reality, that is not possible. When the Soviet Union collapsed, even those born into communism helped construct a democracy. Also, in “1984” the party is completely invinsible. It will remain in power forever. History tells otherwise. ALL empires fall. Humanity has been war-torn since it’s beginning, and after 5000 years, the world has managed to not be controlled by “Big Brother”.
Quote from “1984”: “Humanity is nothing more than one man shoving another man’s face in the mud”
So, “1984” tells us that humans are completely useless and we have no reason to exist.
Let’s take a look at Orwell. When he was not homeless, he lived in poverty. None of his books sold until after he died, and “1984” was one of his later books. Didn’t he have plenty to be hateful about?
The best books make you want to be a better person. “1984” does nothing but make you want to stop caring about everything.
“1984” is purely a work of fiction, but even though it is grossly unrealistic, it is treated like it was written by God.
There are so many better books out there, please don’t waste your time on such an unfufilling and stupid book as “1984”
Animal Farm
Dune
I admit–I have NOT finished the book yet (a side effect of cabin fever), and I WAS intrigued at first. 200 pages in…and nothing remotely exciting was happening. I argue with myself, wondering if I should finish it or not. Will something utterly fascinating grab my attention just 20 pages on? Or will the rest of the l o n g book be a total drab?
Dune certainly has a good plot idea, I’m just not sure that Frank Herbert has the gift of grabbing a reader’s attention.
The dumbest part about this book is that he makes up a lot of words that don’t even exist so in the back of the book is a glossary of terms to tell you what the in the [heck] he is talking about. Look, if you have to put a glossary in the back of a book so readers will understand you, then you know your book is no good. Too many times I had to stop reading the book and flip to the glossary and see what that word meant. Just because it’s a science fiction book set on different planets doesn’t mean you have to give the story it’s own language and religon.
The dune books after this are even worse and very very pathetic.
The only good books in this whole series is this book and the four prequels before it. They are done by his son and kevin anderson. They are MUCH better writers than frank herbert. You read the prequels and you never get bored once. The stories are fast paced, action packed, wheel within wheels plot, and contain just the right mind of detail.
All in all, this is a good book but not great. It’s overrated and the fact that it’s the best selling science fiction book of all time is a sad outlook on readers. You want to know why books get a bad name? Because books like this exists. Please, check out the four before it but anything else in the dune series is [bad].
It’s sad that dune fans are so immature. They think that because this book is considered a masterpiece, that everyone should like it! BUZZ! WRONG!
Radiohead: OK Computer
OMG how can ppl think this is good!!!?!1, May 1, 2004
Reviewer: A music fan from Canada
the singer is really ugly and this band is just sooooo bad!! go buy an avril lavigne cd, shes like the biggest thing rite now, and sooo talented and pretty!!
I can’t be sure if the author this ‘critique’, if I may call it that, is serious. You ‘ppl’ can be the judge.
The Complete Works of William Shakespeare:
Every year, untold numbers of people (students, etc.) are forced to read him by trained teachers and they still end up questioning his value. Let’s examine the Shakespeare cult:
1) Any author who needs an interpreter, explainer, or support from the educational system to keep readers is simply not a vital author. If Shakespeare was a vital author, people would love him without the brainwashing and spoonfeeding of a vast educational system that insists on teaching these tired plays year after year because everyone has done so year after year.
2) Silly romances and boring dramas driven by improbable plots and vulgar jokes are not great literature. These plays are the work of a man who spent far too much time on scandal and trivial junk to be taken seriously.
3) The Shakespeare nuts want it both ways and they can’t have it either way. On the one hand, they insist that Shakespeare be regarded with the reverence one would give to holy scripture. No one must dare question its greatness, truthfulness, or entertainment value. If you do so, you will be attacked as a philistine. On the other hand, when people believe this nonsense and stay away from Shakespeare because they do not want to be bored, the cultists insist that we are taking it too seriously and that Shakespeare is simply great theatre (when it is nothing of the sort) which can be enjoyed with as much gusto as a rock concert or a stand up comedy act (which is a lie).
4) Any book that needs a glossary for the reader in order to be understandable must either be abandoned as dated or translated into modern English. The Shakespeare nuts wouldn’t insist that anyone read Beowulf in Old English or argue that its Old English language is so beautiful that we all must learn what is now a foreign language to us but they do this when it comes to Shakespeare. This is beyond irrational. Imagine being forced to read a viking saga in Old Norse with only a glossary to assist you because the professor happens to love the cadences of Old Norse. This is no different from the nuts who do the same with Shakespeare.
5) I judge literature on two, and only two, criterion: Is it intriguing? Is it entertaining? I don’t give a fig about some academic telling me I need to read something because it is historically important. I doubt that Shakespeare’s audience paid to see his plays because they had historical importance and neither will I. Alas, what was entertaining even twenty years ago seems dated and boring today, nevermind what may have been entertaining hundreds of years ago. Old jokes lose their punch, old romances become foolish and insipid with time, old dramas about historical figures become irrelevant and sleep inducing, old concerns no longer concern us. Shakespeare is dated, unfunny, boring.
And no amount of forcing the issue will change that. Free Shakespeare from the support of the educational system and watch him become forgotten as quickly as last years fashions. And I say, “good riddance” to an author who should have been relegated to the trash heap at least a century ago.
From a review of “Atlas Shrugged”
Gag. This has got to be one of the worst books ever written. Never have I read something that made me hate life and everything to do with it.
The whole plot is completely unrealistic and horribly laughable. If all the “movers and shakers” went on strike, I highly doubt the whole world would self-destruct-no, you’d have people pulling together, taking charge and working together to get things back on track. In real life, Dagny Taggert would be a walking cocktail of STDs and John Galt would be the the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons.
As one of my friends said, “Reading Ayn Rand is like hitting onself over the head with a brick: it feels better when you stop.”
Better yet-try and track down “The Crucifixion of Liberty” by Alexander Kerensky. Why that is out of print and this steaming pile is still being published, I’ll never know.
Comic Book Guy…LOL
Led Zeppelin IV
The Red Pony, John Steinbeck:
WARNING: IF BOOK IS COMPLETED CONSULT A PSYCHIATRIST AT ONCE.I HAVE BEEN SCARED FOR LIFE. THIS BOOK IS SO GORY, John Steinbeck GIVES TERRIFYING DESCRIPTIONS OF THE DEATH OF TWO HORSES IN THE STORY.O PLEASE FOR YOUR OWN SAKE SPARE YOUR SELF THE PAIN AND DO NOT READ THIS BOOK.
Marx Brothers ‘Duck Soup’
“…I can’t figure out why anyone ever thought this was funny.”
A chuckle can be had looking up on http://rateyourmusic.com/ the sort of artist who divides opinions or who have fanatical followers such as Britney Spears or Michael Jackson.
The heavy rock stuff tends to have reviews by poeple who consider a review with the single line “Limpbizkit roooooccccckkkk!!!!!!!!” as enough to recommend the CD.
Pride & Prejudice
(aka, ‘Hugh Grant’? ‘Bronte’?)
~ While cultural pundits try to convince you that some literature is better than other literature, the truth is that all art is relative to individial tastes. Thus, it doesn’t make any sense to think that a novel like this one is really any better than say, Michael Crichton or Stephen King. Aesthetic standards can’t be grounded.
Thus, don’t listen to anyone who tries to distinguish between “serious” works of literature like this one and allegedly “lesser” novels. The distinction is entirely illusory, because no novels are “better” than any others, and the concept of a “great novel” is an intellectual hoax. (considering this review was posted for 1984 also, I think it should probably be removed)
~ It did not offer anything I would expect from a good book: surprise, pleasure (intellectual as well as emotional), humor (the character of Mr. Bennet being an exception), new ideas or meaningful information.
~ Sure, there’s some tepid commentary on the submissive role of women and the strict social conventions, but there’s no action!
~ Piece of advice for everybody who’s forced to read this: buy CliffsNotes.
~ I would recommend you read a modern romance novel. ALL modern romance novels would be better than this, even if written by William Shatner.
~ Unfortunately, having been composed in, what, the 1830s, it has become a period drama style romance novel, where instead of foreplay, they have to bow and curtsy and everything. Althought this may appeal to worthless romantics, it will not perform well to the MTV generation. The movie starred Hugh Grant. Please………
~ To be blunt, the book is boring. There is too much description and not enough meat. The story seems to be leading somewhere, and when you get there, you wonder why you took the journey in the first place. I plead to the human race not to let writers get off this easy by writing such unfulfilling books. Skip Bronte and read Hemingway or Poe.
~ Surely nobody ever spoke like these utterly implausible characters.
The Chrysalids
(which amazon.com doesn’t list for some bizarre reason, so I went to amazon.ca)
~ If you actually think that those other reviewers gave it five stars, they probably forgot to change the amount of stars.
~ but if you are considering buying it consider also why our host tolerates unfavorable reviews at all. It knows that “fan” is short for “fanatic”, that authors and musicans attract energetic (or otherwise unengaged) partisan proponents, and thus that most reviews will be favorable and inflated. The most suspect favorable reviews here are those that praise this book’s litary qualities, for the long and short of it are that it has none.
~ used bookstores are littered with this sort of stuff […] It has no literary merit whatsoever, and those persons who can’t see this are welcome to enjoy it nevertheless, but they should not be teaching English.
~ No I don’t hate it because it was forced apon me, it was a week book. The ending was odd and much to fast. There was a big lead up to nothing. The climax was a black hole of emptyness. When written it may verywell have been good but it was not up to todays standards. There are so many better recent books I have read. No I’m not dumb I have a 92% in english and a 96% average. I feel we should let the book die and pick up a new book published in this decade. Support the new authors not the dead ones.
~ I would not have my own read it and I don’t recommend you have yours read it. It teaches them the wrong lessons. It tells us that problems are best ignored, that you don’t have to ever grow up if you don’t want to. It encourages xenophobia and paranoia (in the popular, non-clinical sense of the word) and–I don’t know how to put this delicately–cold-blooded violence.
~ As if anyone could give this book a good review. Did the author write all of the reviews, or something?
~ It was very confusing, and should not be given to grade 9 students. I mean, he falls in love with his cousin, that’s really sick.
The Scarlet Letter
(which I didn’t enjoy all that much, but these reviews…)
~ Why the couple couldn’t have gotten a divorce is beyond me
~ The novel also holds little relevance in today’s world, for example religion is not the law of the land.
~ Although this book, is considered a great work of literature, written to describe the harshness of Purtian New England. Plus, this book was heavily laiden with symbolism, and many other literary tools.
~ I’m sure I would be able to understand the vivid descriptions and symbolism in this book much better, if Hawthorne were not writing in some sort of moon man language.
The Crucible
~ I did not like this novel because it’s characters are too suspicious and unreasonable. They threaten people with death if they do not admit to crimes they didn’t commit. It’s crazy!
~ Like most classics, it sucks.
~ And then, on top of a slow plot and dry story line, Miller has the tenacity to set the entire play in only four or five rooms.
************
What really amuses me about all the books I’m looking up are the amount of people who bitch about the author “using too many big words.” Or, if the book is a classic that was written, say, a hundred years ago, they say the characters all “talk funny,” and suggest that the book be “modernized.” Then there’s the group of people who brag about a) how smart they are b) their grades in English or c) how they read everything, “but…”
The most amusing are the reviews that combine all three. In short: this is a great game.
My Bloody Valentine – Loveless
– This music is so stupid and weird not in a good unique way but just an uncomfortable way like when you are at someone’s house and you don’t like them and want to go home but you can’t and you probably have to spend the night in their living room….really really crappy don’t do this to yourself forget this crap and this stupid type of music
Spirited Away
American Beauty
My results were like everyone else’s – really not that funny.
some of these reviews seem pretty on the money to me…
Amazon.com Knee-Jerk Contrarian Game
Is ‘sucky suckface’ trying to use sarcasm or just a fool like I think he is?
(the dude will abide)
All of my friends have raved to me about this movie, and I finally watched it. It was just awful! There is no plotline, no likeable characters, and absolutely no point to this huge mess of a movie. None of the eccentric characters are even close to funny, and I found myself wondering why in the world they agreed to make this picture. Julianne Moore is a great actress, but she has absolutely no function in this film. John Goodman is great at what he does, but in this all he does is run around yelling, bowling, and screaming about Vietnam. Jeff Bridges just wanders around in his bathrobe for 2 hours muttering “man, ya know, man”. And then there’s poor Steve Buscemi – a wonderful character actor normally, but his character here is only allowed to say half his lines before Goodman’s character tells him to shut up.
And the plot…what plot? This movie had no development or climax…it just kind of ended, leaving me wondering what other worthwhile things I’ve could’ve done in the 2 hours I used to watch it. But maybe it’s just me…my friends sat around and laughed throughout the entire movie, why I will never understand…
Brief Encounter
‘My wife and I watched this film with high expectations. This couple did not fall in love — they fell in love with falling in love. Sadly, many many people don’t know the difference, and this couple never figured it out, either. Read chapter 3 of THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES by Gary Chapman (taken from M. Scott Peck THE ROAD LESS TRAVELED) which plainly and clearly explains what “falling in love” really is; Chapman’s book will do more for your romantic and love life than watching this movie.’
Midnight’s Children
‘This is the worst book I have ever read. First of all, the magical realism does NOT work for Rushdie, especially in this historical novel. Secondly, the narrative is horrible-it’s disjointed and choppy and goes all over the place. Thirdly, Rushdie loses the whole book once Saleem Sinai enters the jungle; unitl that point, the novel is actually decent. The whole jungle part needs to be edited out. Rushdie really loses it when he has Indira Gandhi castrate the Midnight’s Children; when the castration happens, the book loses all credibility whatsoever. Unless you absolutely loathe someone, I would not recommend this book to them.’
Jane Eyre
‘What a piece of crap
December 16, 2003
Reviewer: fred from New York, NY USA
The only thing less exciting than this book would be watching paint dry.
Stuffy english characters abound in this failed attempt to be Dickens-esque.’
Wuthering Heights
‘I think everyone who enjoys this book is a woman. I don’t mean to sound sexist, it’s just true. I’ve never met a woman who didn’t love this book, And I’ve never met a man who liked it. I hated it. I won’t say it was a bad book, because it’s a classic, and the most you’re allowed to say about a classic is that you didn’t enjoy it, which I didn’t. Sorry to say, this is the FIRST classic novel I’ve ever read that I didn’t enjoy. And I’ve read a lot. ‘
Things Fall Apart
‘I was forced to read this book for my high school lit. class and I am truly convinced that the teacher did it for cruel and unusual punishment. It is almost impossible to concieve how boring this novel was. The main character was very annoying. He was arrogant and never interesting. you never got to get personal with the character’s. It was like reading a quick obituary. The plot never got good and there was no humor. only flat meaningless words.I’m not the only one who felt this way. No one in my class liked the book and we complained everyday. my best friend was incapable finishing the book. if you’re a kid in school don’t even try it.’
but worst of all
The Surrendered Wife : A Practical Guide to Finding Intimacy, Passion, and Peace with Your Man
‘This book has been a flashlight in the darkness! When I discovered this book I was ready to divorce my husband and couldn’t remember a single reason I married him. This was just a month ago. I was frustrated, exhausted, bitter and ready to give up. From the introduction of Surrendered Wife, I though Laura was psychic! I cried because someone had found me out. She made me admit that my guy was “one of the good ones”, but I ha’dn’t allowed him to be. He didn’t think, act, talk like me. When her chapter said “You probably want to throw this book away now! That’s exactly what I wanted to do! Am I sittinging in the lily field today?! —hardly! I’ve finally surrended our finances and am learning to say “I can’t do that”. My husband is freaking out with his new responsibilities, but he’s loving making the decisions and I’m loving his generosity even though I’m unnerved by the decisions he’ll make! But “That’s not my problem, that’s no longer my problem! Thanks for an answered prayer.’
Suckface: Pretension has nothing to do with it. You can take the most popular movies, music, and books of all time, and there will always be someone who will trash it.
Try looking up your own favorites.
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN:
I didn’t like this movie very much. I only rented it because Stephen Collins was in it as Hugh W. Sloan Jr. I liked his role because I like him and he’s very attractive guy for being 55 years old. I like him best in this movie. He’s also very very good as Eric Camden on the hit ABC television show 7th Heaven. Way to go, Stephen!
JAWS: This movie is SOOOOOOOOOO bad! By far, the most overrated movie of the 70’s. What’s the big deal? And how many times can you say “Shark attack! Get out of the water!” in five minutes? Well, find out when and IF you rent this crap, even though everyone of Earth has seen it already.
They don’t show the shark until 5 minutes to the end of the movie, either! Every time a scary or suspenseful part comes, it turns out to be a fish or something in the water, but not the shark.
The sequels are the same exact thing, too. Just Roy what’s-his-face in a boat looking for the shark, that Jaws 2. Jaws 3 is just a stupid attack on Marine SeaWorld by a shark looking for its babies and Jaws: The Revenge was actually pretty cool because that’s the one you saw the shark the most and there’s a lot of gore and action. If you’re going to see any of these movies, see Jaws: The Revenge. DO NOT SEE THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THE THIRD MAN: I love old films, especially ones that make you think, but this film STINKS!!!!!!!!!!!! I absolutely hated this film, and actually give it 0 stars. I have seen a few Orson wells films, and have not liked any of them, and I think a boring script, and bad preformance from Wells brings this film down. Everyone says this film is so great, and I thought it STUNK!!!!!!!! Make sure to avoid this film and all of it’s good reviews at ALL costs.
NIGHT OF THE HUNTER: Glad to fine out some other discriminating viewers found this movie to be embarrassing for everyone involved, the actors, i.e, Mitchum and Winters as well as the script writer, Mr. Agee.
SPECIAL AK-JCG BRANDO TRIBUTE!!
ON THE WATERFRONT: “His Method interpretation was so self-conscious, so narcissistic, that he didn’t seem to be truly aware that anyone else was ever in a scene with him.”
A STREETCAR NAMED DESIRE: “Marlon Brando doesn’t even attempt an accent. Which annoyed me!”
THE WILD ONE: “Brando seemed to be totally limited in his range of emotion or acting ability.”
THE FUGITIVE KIND: “Absolutely NO chemistry amongst the artistes.”
VIVA ZAPATA: “I was less than convinced that Brando was Zapata.”
GUYS AND DOLLS: “Marlon Brando is AWFUL.”
THE YOUNG LIONS (and DESIREE): “If Brando is such a great actor, how come he’s so weak in this film and in DESIREE (which I just saw).”
MUTINY ON THE BOUNTY: “Brando’s pretentious maunderings are unwatchable.”
REFLECTIONS IN A GOLDEN EYE: “Lowest marks go to (choose one) the outrageously campy Asian houseboy or to Marlon Brando, whose Southern accent is unlike anything ever heard in the South.”
LAST TANGO IN PARIS (and THE GODFATHER & APOCALYPSE NOW): “Marlon Brando gives what can only be described as one of the messiest and shameful performances that any formerly great actor could conceive (worse even than Vito Corleone or Kurtz).”
Worse Than Watergate, John Dean
Not a classic, non-fiction and a bit obscure but a hi-larious mistaken identity of the author. The reader thought it was written by Howard Dean, an early Democratic persidential candidate in 2004 but it was really written by John Dean, a Republican who was part of the Nixon administration in the 1970s and who blew the whistle on Watergate. Check it:
If you had planned to vote for Howard Dean, than this book is for you, and you belong in an insane asylum. This is just another mentally unstable left wing conspiracy theory. This book makes Bush, who liberated two nations from evil, out to be worse than Hitler and Stalin. The book accuses Bush of things that he could not have done. Bush did not “steal” the election he won it. Bush did “lie” to the public or secretly plan 9/11. He did not go to war for oil. If you believe this book, than he did all those things. To compare him to Clinton is disgusting. We paid for those eight years “peace” with three thousand lives on September 11th. If you wish the Taliban and Saddam were still and power, and you support Al Queda than this book is for you. If you want to read about “secret goverment conspiracies” that are as believable as space aliens and CIA mind control than this book is for you. If you like fiction than this book is for you. If you hate poorly written books by no-talent authors, than skip this book.
tried to rip off your great idea for the german version 🙂
however, it seems hardly anybody dares make fun of the classics. or maybe the clueless just haven’t figured out how to write a review…
Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
*”Well, this could be an OK story if, you know, it was a short story. Basically not much happens and a lot of the story describes the land and how Levin is so wonderful and devoted to his wife. Some whould say that this is superb literary thechnique, I say that if you are publishing a novel, let it have a story line. Anna’s hardly even in the story anyway.”
*”What a freak. If I wanted to spend my time in a world without brains, I would watch TV, not read an a-hole like Tolstoy. I sat with a blank expression throughout this whole book.”
*”I read this book online via Project Gutenberg, while watching code compile in another screen window. The compilation was more interesting.”
*”If you have a healthy dislike of boredom, I really suggest you do something better with your time. Overall NOT an indispensible read, make sure you don’t let the novel slip from your hands as it would probably break your foot.”
*”What could be enjoyable about a book that primarily consists of a guide on:
a) how to cut grass,
b) how to hunt bear, and
c) how to abandon your own kid for a gigolo.
If I wanted all that stuff I would have read Farmers Almanac.”
Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
…this is America, and there are free speech laws that prohibit me from burning and banning all of your books. But according to the AMERICAN CAPITALIST SYSTEM, I can buy out your publishing rights and make sure copies of your horrible story do not corrupt indelible minds.
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/B00017IWJ8/103-9055818-4735866“ >COLD RIVER: Worst Book You Have Ever Objected To…One Star *
Is this the best negative review I can get?
:=)
Wow. These reviews made me hate a good chunk of humanity. Now that I’m feeling totally depressed, I think I’ll eat some hamburger helper and read Dostoevsky… oooh. should look up reviews of him…
Brave New World
Bible. Dont read this book. Its a waste of time.
Chutes And Ladders board game
with its easy too follow instrutons and tiny parts you can eaily teach your children how to play many exciting self-mutilating games! I feel that some of the senarios are not very good for children to follow, i.e. the child is climbing the tall tree to rescue the small kitten without the use of a safety restraint incase the child may slip. Plus, now it is a popular drinking game found at many of the local colleges so you might want to order now while they are still in stock. Furthermore, the useage of eating too much and getting a stomach ache does not sit well with most of the obese society.
I don’t get it. Are all humans supposed to like works that are “critically acclaimed?” I guess I don’t see a reason to bash people for daring to dislike what they are “supposed” to like. God, what are they thinking!? They should just shut up and celebrate conformity. Whatever is in the canon is obviously beyond criticism, you idiots! By the way, is this comment somehow a “knee-jerk contrarian” reaction to your post? Because the only reason someone could disagree with the spirit of your post would have to be out of a desire to be contrarian.
I agree totally that people should be able to dislike something that the majority of people love. Whats funny about these posts is how far they go, most of these people obviously miss the point of the movie or album, and end up appearing pretty ignorant. I guess theyre just coming from somewhere completely different to everybody else.
What really annoys me is people like
this
who hate absolutely everything. Why does this person even bother watching all this stuff…
This is a brilliant idea and ought to become a blogverse classic. Jack, you’re right that people should be free to go against the grain if they wanna. Personally, I don’t really get all the Citizen Kane hoopla (and it bugs me that I’d basically have to take a film-school course to get it), but I recognize that it was obviously something special in it’s day.
I suppose it’s quite possible, ignorant of what’s truly in the hearts of contrarians, that some of those “reviews” came about after serious reflection. Afterall, it’s only fair that one should at least attempt to understand the whoop-ti-do before commenting.
The point, I think, is that there will always be a certain segment (especially encouraged by the web’s anonymity) that will automatically spasm an uninformed rebuke of highly-regarded works. They’re a funny-strange/funny-ha-ha group.
Of course people should be able to form their own opinions, and don’t have to like something just because it’s a ‘classic’. However, when a work is widely critically acclaimed, but you didn’t like it, it reasonable to assume that maybe you missed something (seeing as so many have got so much from it). To assume that everyone else just likes it because they’re told to, in some Emperor’s-new-clothes type conspiracy, is faintly ridiculous, somewhat arrogant and, well, very funny.
DVD star wars trilogy (ep 4 – 6)
Reviewer: A viewer from Buffalo, NY United States
Wow, a movie with lazer gunz, puppets, and guys in rubber masks. Fascinating.
A few points:
– The idea that because something is considered a “classic” that anyone who doesn’t like it or criticizes it must obviously be “missing something” is laughable. The classics are constantly being reevaluated; there isn’t a list set in stone somewhere.
– Several people used phrases like “highly regarded,” “critically acclaimed,” and “classic.” Do you ever stop to ask yourself “highly regarded by whom?” It is funny: if you are a member of the literati or the cultural elite, it is ok if you, say, claim that Shakespeare is an overrated hack. But if you live outside of the academy or the salons of NYC and say something as innocuous as “I hate the White album,” certain people (the guardians of “taste,” I guess) instantly attack you for “not knowing better.”
– About the Emperor’s-new-clothes type conspiracy…actually, yes, people are told what to think all of the time — and most of them listen. That doesn’t make it a conspiracy. It is just that people are so hung up on credentialism and want to be “in the know” when it comes to things like “taste.”
– All matters of taste are…matters of taste. Maybe some people don’t really understand what that phrase means. It is all subjective, so lets stop pretending that there is some objective list of classics handed down by God that we should all worship. (“we” in this case means non-accredited critics). If you are a known critic, over course, hack on Shakespeare and the White album all you want.
As I Lay Dying
-really ahrd to understand. The characters are really selfich. It was really un realistic as well and all in all I thought that it was aretty stupid and not worth any one’s time. Byt the way, even my dad and Mom agree with me and my mom is and English magor.
-..this is the worst book I ever read. I hate to say it, because reviews that say “I don’t like this book” are generally extremely unintelligent reviews. And generally I write extremely good reviews of books, and I can always find something good in almost any book.
Except perhaps this one, I’m sorry to say. (rest of absurdly long review edited.)
-This is definatly one of the worst books I have ever read. Faulkner must have just accidently wrote a book or something. The storyline is that the mother of a family dies and they take her to a city to be buried, except it is much boring boring than that and much more disgusting and Faulkner drags it out over about 50 chapters. This book is boring, disgusting, and barely even makes sense. I wouldn’t recommend this book to anyone but Satan himself.
-Mark Twain’s Retarded Brother, Let me just say first off that if you are really, really drunk, that doesn’t always make you a genius. The only drunk smarties were Mozart and Edgar Allen Poe, but they were brilliant before they started drinking. Also, if you have not completed the 5th grade and then write novels, you are not a genius either. I promise. I wish someone would’ve let Faulkner know that before he stumbled home toasted one night and barfed up this novel. Whoops! Did I say novel? I didn’t mean to imply that it was new or fresh in any way. Reading this book-esque object just reminded me of reading Mark Twain. The only subtext was ‘Being stupid and poor is artistic now. Ha ha ha.’ The subject matter was dull to me. Every character was so appallingly obnoxious that by the end, I wanted them all in the damn coffin. Don’t buy this book unless your coffee table legs are uneven and you need something to shove under one of them for stabilization purposes.
Of course no work, no matter how classic, should be beyond criticism, but when they are dismissed as worthless, despite having brought joy to many, it’s just laughable. That in itself is dismissing the opinions of others.
Kudos to those who give well written, well thought-out negative reviews.
Eternal damnation to people who write completely baseless, ignorant tripe regarding something they know absolutely nothing about. If you’ve only heard Kenny G and Britney Spears, don’t write a review on a jazz founder such as John Coltrane. If you only read Stephen King or Sci-fi, don’t put in your 2 cents about William Shakespeare.
You’re entitled to your opinion, and I in turn am entitled to mock you mercilessly about your stupidity.
Huckleberry Finn
This is incredible. I cannot believe that this book has been hailed as a masterpiece, and has a secure spot in the literary canon. I mean, what is the deal? Did Mr. Twain fall asleep in Grammar class? I mean the story is good enough. Pap is a fun character. But I am absolutely flabbergasted by Twain’s prose style. It is just sloppy writing. Maybe if he had looked in a dictionary a little more often he wouldn’t come off as a dumb hick from the South (I believe he is from somewhere in Mississippi, I don’t know some “M” state).
If you really want good literature read some Dan Brown, or John Grisham.
Some Like It Hot
In analyzing the plot of this movie, some things are immediately apparent. If men dressed as women are this popular, Janet Reno is a lock as Florida’s next Mr. ah Ms. Governor. Also, an individual of confused sexual identity who is bewitched by a near-famous blonde? Shouldn’t this be titled the Anne Heche story? Finally, how could anyone come up with a more contrived plot? This movie should elicit continual shouts of “THERE IS NO WAY THAT WOULD HAPPEN.” The true movie viewer should require more….
Do the Right Thing
This movies basic lesson is that it is ok to provoke, verbally assail, riot, assualt, and break the law if you don’t get your way. The ending showed no remorse by any of the rioters and displays a blatant reverse racism that ruins the anti-hate message given in the first two-thirds of the movie.
My beef are with people who state that their review is not based on personal experience with the material.
There will always be lovers and haters of all materials. This game just proves it.
What I find sad is the amount of reviews some people do (see link above). Is it their profession? Or a sad obsession?
here’s the link
Not a review, just a comment.
While taste is clearly subjective, most of these negative reviewers just come off as ignorant, either because they completely missed the point of the work, or they have no concept of context, history, or true innovation. “Classics” like Led Zeppelin, The Beatles, Shakespeare, Citizen Kane, Casablanca, Orwell – they broke new ground and set new standards. They did it FIRST. And many innovators paid the price by being considered failures in their time, and wallowing in relative anonymity.
It is not conformity to understand this context, and appreciate it. Great art stands the test of time for a reason…and it’s not because of a marketing campaign, it’s because enough consumers of art, over the years, come back to it again and again. It IS conformity to swallow whole whatever the marketing machine of the modern entertainment industry is shatting at you. Any time some company TELLS you how HOT and GREAT something is, it’s SHITE. Almost anything with a multi-million dollar marketing budget behind it sucks, because the marketing exists to convince you of its greatness…because the work cannot stand on its own merits. Case in point, anything Top 40 in the last 5 years, American Idol, reality TV.
But to be fair, when I was in junior high, I had terrible taste, too, because I was young and stupid and gullible and wanted to do what people said was “cool” right now…and not exposed to great art.
When Harry Met Sally…
Replacements – Tim
Waitress in the Sky may have amused some back in the eighties.
After 9/11 this no longer flys. And on behalf of all flight attendants, it never did.
Monty Python and the Holy Grail (from jersey)
“Lame and predictable. Mind-numbingly boring. I can’t even begin to explain how lame and corny this movie is. Not funny AT ALL. Not one part. If whiny british accents is your idea of comedy, then by all means. Funniest movie of all time? Jeff Shannon must be on some sort of PCP because the whole dialogue is extremely lame and pointless. “I’ll ask you three questions. What is your name? What is your quest? What is your favorite color? (Next guy comes). What is your name? What is your favorite color? What is the capital of Arcadia? (or some stupid name of a country)”. Gee, who the hell didn’t see that coming? Hilarity ensues. Not quite. A flying rabbit biting people’s heads off. Next. The communist peasant approaches and is grabbed. Soon we hear him scream HELP IM BEING REPRESSED! Perhaps they were planning on introducing the punchline in a later release. The guy pretending to ride a horse with the guy behind him clapping bowls together maybe was clever the first time. Actually it wasn’t. By the the 20th time they did it I was ready to kill myself. I know you people are thinking “yeah well, you just didn’t understand the spoof on the King arthur legend”. Oh, I understood it alright. Just because a parody makes sense doesn’t mean that it is funny.
Knights that go “Nee”? Wow, that’s clever. I’m sure the creators of this movie were in a meeting thinking real hard about this one when the boss’s son comes up with this cockbarf. Let’s have a scene where this group of idiotic knights scream “NEE” loudly and obnoxiously until the viewers brains are completely destroyed. This kind of humor is humor that you’ll find in after-school TGIF sitcoms like Full House. Who is going to laugh at garbage like this? I sure as hell won’t which is promptly why I threw a boulder at my television and punched some guy sitting next to me. I’d rather be shot in the face with projectile diarrhea then watch any parts of this movie again. As you can see I’ve bashed this movie pretty good and although it is well deserved, I think it’s pretty safe to say I’ll be hit with a lot of non-helpful votes. Good day to you all.”
This is Spinal Tap—-
Reviewer: A viewer from Portland, OR USA
“If you’re going to make such an excellent documentary, why make it about about a band that nobody has ever heard of?
Getting similar behind-the-scenes footage on the Who, The Stones, or Genesis would have been a monumental achievment in documentary cinema.
But Spinal Pap? ”
Joseph:
Hard core porn and soap operas bring joy to millions also. I guess it is somehow “ignorant” to criticize or dismiss those as worthless as well.
You’re missing the point. It doesn’t matter how high-brow or low-brow the material… There will always be someone who completely misses the point and will write a ridiculous negative review about it. Case in point: reviews of the Friends Finale DVD,
OK, now I’m hoping that the contrarian view of the “Friends” finale spoken of above is that it was good.
‘Cuz it wasn’t. It was terrible terrible terrible. Like most finales, of course. But still. The “Friends” finale was so awful it made my head hurt.
Gigli:
Forget the hype, this is a must see and once you do you won’t understand why Ben and Jen ever broke up. The love on screen might make some people want to wretch, it makes me want to cuddle puppies – but not in a bad way, and hold my girl’s hand.
i decided to try the reverse of this game and see what some of the highest ratings are for britney spear’s “in the zone”…
– “I don’t know why some ppl don’t like this CD. Its truley awesome. Its todays music, not old crap like Pink Floyd or Janice Joplin (both which my DAD listens to and both who cant touch Britney!).”
– “All my friends, and even some adults, agree this is one great CD! I live in a trailer park, but it’s not a joke, it’s a nice one (we have a double wide!), and everyone here loves this CD. You can hear it playing at one or another trailer almost constantly. This is to say that there are lots of average people like me who don’t fall for the Britney-bashing and really LISTEN to her music, and to this CD. I got the chance to see her in concert and she was awesome. She has the looks, the talent, and the dance moves, so what’s not to like? ”
– “This album should definitely win Grammys in the following categories: Album of the Year, Best Female Vocal Performance and Song of the Year (“Toxic”).”
classic!
“The Republic of Plato”
• “The seeds of Marxism were sown here and, hence, socialism and all its virulent forms, including communism, fascism, and nazism.”
• “The problem with Plato is that he left Jehovah, the true God, out of his philosophy. Jehovah is the center of everything, and without Him, there is no truth. Since Plato rejected belief in the true God, and whole, intact truth is only found in that true God, Plato’s philosophy is understandably flawed.”
• “He is in some ways the philosophical father of elitist tyrannies and the originator of the argument that the masses ought to be hoodwinked for their own good.”
• “Modern philosophy departments have consigned this book to the trash heap”
Some of them do have a point, I guess. Lawyers and politicians suck big ass.
O brother where art thou? –
– Yes, I realize it is just a movie, but I don’t find amimal cruelty funny. That is the scary thing about dark humor though – it makes it acceptable to laugh at such things. I should have known when I found out the people responsible for this mess had made Fargo (murder, ha ha). I tried to give this movie a chance because the soundtrack was done by people I liked but it was too disturbing and totally unentertaining for me, sorry
Am I the only one who doesn’t see why the senseless murdering of animals is supposed to be a big laugh? Am I the only one who was not slapping his knee at the sight of a cow being machine-gunned?
*Metallica
-Metallica
Complete and total rubbish, January 15, 2004
Reviewer: pegg from Derby
I’m sorry to disappoint all you Metallica fans out there, but your bands so called “defining ablum” is complete tripe. Metal is music in one of its lowest forms (just above rap and hip hop) and this album is proof that the genre toatlly sucks. The lyrics are superficial, whilst the so called “hardcore” style is contrived and pretentious. If you like this kind of music I suggest you hang yourself now and rid the world of your stupidity. If you want music listen to The Smiths, they are more talented than the entire metal genre combined.
Lord of the Rings
–I have attempted to read these books but they are just so dull and boring that i havn’t finished one yet. They are just overly decriptive!! Tolkein really could have summed up what his books were about in 100 pages… who needs 1000?? There is really no point in reading them and i discourage others from reading them too… If you want the story watch the movies…. Legolas is a wicked hot elf!!
-I tried and tried again to get through these books in their entirety but haven’t been able to do it. Who wants to read about this stuff anyway? The answer is: WEIRDOS! Stay away not only from these books, but from the people who read them.
Rolling Stones, “40 Licks”
Possibly the worst album ever.
Dirt weak and old as such. Talk about unoriginal, overly-influenced drivel.
Rolling Stones – Another Cheesy Recording
Lets face it, this band is way beyond its time. Rolling Stone magazine once called Styx the cheesiest band of the 70’s. Well, if that’s the case, then this band is cottage cheese at best. This recording is nothing more than another attempt to make a quick buck at the expense of hard-core fans. A one star at best, and BTW, time to pack it in guys.
Silliest Band in The Land
This band is very silly. They have elephant-sized egos (Like calling THEMSELVES ‘the greatest rock n roll band’), and just their music is overall silly and overrated. They were all right in the beginning, because they were more of a hard rock band then. But they continued churning out an annoying brand of pop, which can really get on nerves. But if ya have to get a Rolling Stones album, I guess this would be the one.
Of Mice and Men
I found several critical problems with this play, including narrative structure, plot thematics, metaphorical irony, and satirical narcissism. Serious scholars need not apply. The books are not for the people to do with Lenny and Carl. Shooting the tragedy in the end is an unfortunate incident for the lives of everyone on the earthen structures. If you’re good looking for Steinbeck, I suggest the “Rapes of Wrath.”
Huckleberry Finn
Alice in Wonderland
In my opinion this book could have been written a lot better. For example, it could have been alot less confusing and more realistic. The main reason I didn’t exactly enjoy Alice in Wonderland was because it needed to be more happy,then unhappy.
It’s hard to call it an adventure, since nothing really happens.
Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland was an extremely ridiculous and confusing book. The characters were mis leading and Alice was very annoying.
Re: America-You Can Do Magic. Rated *****
Reviewer: ***** from beaconsfield, Quebec Canada
Im sorry but you can do magic is quite possibly the greatest rock song of all time. The lyrics are chilling, the chimes in the backround put me in a trance every time I here them. Buy this cd and listen to it over and over again……..
Suckyface may think he is ahead of the game, but at least Elitest Snobs can spell…we can also enjoy American Idol and the classics, and see the value in each.
Good the Bad & the Ugly
A Little Aimless, January 24, 2002
Reviewer: markisaurelius (see more about me) from Gethsemane
Seemed like, some blood, gunfire, starvation, and a bag of gold were crammed into the blender and out came this movie. No plot, a pathetic hero, about a hundred fifty lucky and irrational escapes. A little fun, but mostly just aimless until the predictable ending. –This text refers to the DVD edition
What Good?, February 8, 2003
Reviewer: A viewer from Michigan USA
Sergio Leone plumbed his greatest depths of nitwittedness when he essayed the script for this travesty. Still, people are watching it 35 years later, so his financiers got something out of it. It would take the film’s full running time to detail how bad it is but one scene captures some of the flavor. Prisoner Eli Wallach the Ugly is being transported to the gallows by Union troop train when he throws himself and his guard out the door of a crowded boxcar. Nobody says hey, train never stops, and neither does another express coming the other way when Wallach uses it to cut the cuffs between him and his dead captor, despite the fact that the deceased is laying in the middle of the tracks. Leone knew exactly nothing about the American West and neither do the people who enjoy his ludicrously mismanaged fantasies about the time and place. –This text refers to the VHS Tape edition
Galaxy Quest
We are not laughing., March 13, 2004
Reviewer: A viewer from USA
Speaking as a Star Trek fan, I often find it patheic that most other movie studios and directors like to poke fun at something which has been largely successful, and is something they will never have. This movie poked fun at not only Star Trek but also treated the actors of these movies has having no talent and it’s fans of being geeks. Well the exact reverse is true here. Star Trek does have actors who do great acting, it’s fans do have a life and come from highly educational/scientific backgrounds, who enjoy watching it because it’s intelligent and has something to say. The rest of science fiction does not, and this movie is a sad case of that.
5 of 6 people found the following review helpful:
1 out of 5 stars oh how the mighty has fallen…, June 16, 2003
Reviewer: Brendon M Macaraeg (see more about me) from Los Angeles, CA United States
…
Please don’t waste your time on this book. There’s so much good stuff out there to read and so little time.
You may discount my review because I only made it to chapter 3. I grew frustrated with his brand-name dropping and the broken up, staccato sentence structure (if you can call it that).
In response to the following post on Seven Samurai:
“This movie seems to be a scene-by-scene copy of one of my favorite movies-“Magnificent Seven”. Magnificent seven is a classic movie that has been copied many times, but I didn’t know westerns were popular enough in japan to be copied.”
“The Magnificent Seven” (1960) was based on “Seven Samurai” (1954). Be sure to get your facts straight before you make a fool of yourself.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0054047/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0047478/
Marcel proust, In Search of Lost Time, Vol. I, Swann’s Way.
THIS IS THE MOST BORING BOOK I HAVE EVER READ. I KEPT ON THINKING THE NEXT LINE WOULD BE “AND THEN WE BRING THE COWS IN” STRAIGHT OUT OF THE ARCHERS. BACK AT YOU WHITIE. IF YOU WRITE A 3,000 PASERIES OF BOOKS YOU HAVE TO EXPECT SOME DISSIN’ HOMIE BOY PROUST. BOYAKASHAKA-LAK. TWO PHAT POSSES ARE INHE HOUSE/DISSIN EACH OTHER SHOOTING OFF THEIR MOUTHS
Spare ME!, January 1, 2004
Reviewer: Jake from Beverly Hills, CA USA
Well if this is a classic then so could the Charlies Angel’s movies. All the book consists of is a middle-class family in the south with a few weird neighbors. I mean come on. Who really cares about a little girl that goes around the neighborhood doing things like spying on her albino neighbor. If that makes a book a classic, shame on you. Atticus against all odds is always fair and never makes anyone mad. He deals with all disputes perfectly. A wee bit too good to be true. Don’t you think? Finishing this book felt like the equivalent of fighting in World War II with nothing but an army of G.I. Joes. If you have been given this book as a present I give you my deepest condolences.
Blue (Joni Mitchell)
housewife mediocrity, June 16, 2004
Reviewer: from paris
this album might fly when the hippy flag was not yet torn to complete shreds and everyone was feeling a little blue but i’m sorry joni i just don’t care about you and your songs are self-indulgent in a way that just makes me feel annoyed and further from christlove that even Prince Myshkin could ever imagine. When joni is blue i don’t want to come in your kitchen. . . period.
dull and boring, February 23, 2004
Reviewer: from san antonio, texas United States
i read the reviews of people who bought this and said buy this cd it’s great and i went out and did it and i regret doing it after listening to this cd i can understand why no radio stations play her music in my city not 1 station.her voice is really awful.and the music is enough to put anyone to sleep.you wanna hear good folk music listen to love’s forever changes or the kink’s 68 masterpiece village green preservation society.this is the last time i go by other people.i can see why less and less people even know who joni mitchell is anymore.like her fans she is a dying breed.
Pretentious garbage, March 1, 2002
Reviewer: A music fan from Ottawa, Canada
How can anyone like this talentless woman? She can’t sing and is absolutely egotistical (name an artist she hasn’t dissed). Try listening to some female singer/songwriters who are good at what they do!
…hey this is fun. 🙂
Big Lebowski
Worse than Dumb and Dumber, June 20, 2004
Reviewer from St. Paul, MN
How can people like a movie in which every other word is the “F” word? If simple minded people get a kick out of watching a guy named the Dude smoke a “J”, I’m worried about this country. Spend your time elsewhere, because this is not a thinking man’s flick.
No way, Jonathan! You’re wrong about Magnificent Seven! Obviously, some kind of clairvoyancy or time machines were involved. I don’t care about your fancy-shmancy IMDB references–real Americans know that that story could only have been written by a good red blooded American filmmaker, no matter what year they came out. Maybe the script was stolen by the Japanese director guy.
GWB 2004!
I meant “Al” not “Jonathan.”
For:
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius, by Dave Eggers
A Self-Indulgent Work of Staggering Verbosity
A Heartwrenching Display of Staggering Hubris
A mind-numbing tome of self-absorbed navel-gazing
A Disappointing Piece of Rambling Garbage
A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Insipidness
A pathetic work of staggering egomania
A Terrifying Work of Unsubstantiated Ego
A Wearisome Tale of Supreme Self-Indulgence
A Miserable Waste of My Valuable Time
Forever: A Novel
by Pete Hamill
Hamill blasts Christians, June 28, 2004
Reviewer: A reader from Woodbury, MN USA
Again and again, Hamill lets me know that he dislikes my religous faith. He does this through his characters. His characters make fun of my God. Page 508 of the paperback version says, “They talk about monotheism, and how it has led to so many slaughters. He wonders out loud why that single God is always so cruel. ‘Because he wants love, man, “she says, “and he can’t get it. Look at all the commandments. They all say, Love me or die. What a weird message! God insists that you love him…he comes across as a big pain in the ass.’ ”
We have free will and some people use their free will do do evil acts in the name of God. That doesn’t mean that God is directing the action. It means that people are exercising their free will and choosing to do evil. And what is is that the Mr. Hamill finds wrong with the ten commandments? “Thou shall not murder” “Thou shall not steal”… what does he suggest would be better way to determine our moral behavior? Through the use of Gallop Polls?
His character ‘Delfina’ doesn’t like President Bush because “he reminds her of snotty rich kids she’d see in restaurants when she was at Hunter (College), sending back the wine.” That’s not much of a reason to dislike a person. Delfina seems to be a rather shallow person if she judges people by their looks.
The author should take a bible study class and learn what the bible says to the faithful. Does he think Christians would follow the Lord if He was just some jealous, macho dude (as described by Delfina?). Give me a break!
To Kill A Mockingbird (the book):
— I read this book recently in class because it was requred reading. I love reading, and read several books a week. TKaM however was terrible. There is almost no plot, and the charecters were poorly developed and obviously fake. It gets boring after a few minutes, and is never all that exciting. It is also hard to follow what is going on near the end. It may be a classic, but it sure is not a good one!
— Well if this is a classic then so could the Charlies Angel’s movies. All the book consists of is a middle-class family in the south with a few weird neighbors. I mean come on. Who really cares about a little girl that goes around the neighborhood doing things like spying on her albino neighbor. If that makes a book a classic, shame on you. Atticus against all odds is always fair and never makes anyone mad. He deals with all disputes perfectly. A wee bit too good to be true. Don’t you think? Finishing this book felt like the equivalent of fighting in World War II with nothing but an army of G.I. Joes. If you have been given this book as a present I give you my deepest condolences.
–Well, at least it was in my own language. Otherwise, it sucked. It was the same old, same old plot. Maybe Lee originated it, but that doesn’t matter. Once you have read one book like this one, you have read them all. A classic american piece of caca
Priscilla, Queen of the Desert:
– “This movie really depresses me. The scenery, the acting, the old songs. BLEAH!”
Harold and Maude:
– “Taste is personal, but as C.S. Lewis asked in the ‘Abolition of Man’, if a waterfall is sublime to one observer and mundane to another, which is it in reality?”
– “after seeing this movie, i was scared. not screaming at the top of my lungs scared, but the scared where you sit there and think – oh my goodness. … It was horrifying in my opinion.”
– “This movie in my opinion is the greatest love story since Romeo and Juliet.” [This reviewer gave the movie two stars.]
The Incredible Adventures of Wallace & Gromit:
– “Reviewer: Child Care Providers from somewhere that isn’t Canada. THESE SHORTS ARE NOT WORTHY OF THE ONE STAR WE WERE FORCED TO GIVE THEM. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU PEOPLE???? WALLACE AND GROMIT ARE THE CREEPIEST THINGS ON TV AND SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO BE VIEWED BY CHILDREN (MUCH LESS ADULTS!) WE’RE GOING TO HAVE NIGHTMARES FROM BEING FORCED WHILE BABYSITTING TO WATCH “THE WRONG TROUSERS” WITH A 2 YEAR OLD. WHAT ARE WE MISSING? WHAT IS SO EXCITING ABOUT THESE VIDEOS?? NOTHING!!!! THEY ARE SCARY SCARY SCARY!!! AVOID THESE FILMS AT ALL COSTS. EVERY REVIEW ON THIS SITE PRAISES THESE MOVIES LIKE THEY ARE THE GREATEST THINGS ON EARTH. IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THESE MOVIES- SAVE YOURSELVES NOW!! WE ARE REACHING OUT TO YOU!!”
Spice World:
– “spice girls was a hit, and even though they aren’t popular anymore, i know that if they went on a reunion tour it would be sold out so boo-yall who don’t like them. They rock because they are just so cool, spicy, and cute. hahaha but yeah i give them 5 stars for their cd and their movie, it’s one of the best movies in the world.i lOvE tHe sPiCe GIrLS!!!!!!!!”
– “In the end of all this, do we really know these girls as individuals?”
-“This movie moved me to tears…getting caught up in the Spice Girls drama myself it saddens me that the girls are now…well…dead.”
-“If you want a movie about a GOOD British band, check out ‘This IS Spinal Tap'”
-“My brain nearly exploded.”
-“I used to like pop music. It was the big thing, what 7, 6 years ago.”
-“These girlz have no talent whatsoever (unlike LINKIN PARK). U should not buy this DVD.They r the worst actorz ever 2! I love Legolas by the way!They r the worst singerz ever. U should listen 2 rock music(best music ever). Hey if u wanna im me im me @ ElfGirl6150.”
Chungking Express:
and
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off:
Blazing Saddles:
Mr. Hulot’s Holiday:
and
Apocalypse Now:
and
Singin’ in the Rain:
The Godfather trilogy:
and
and, the other way around:
Encino Man:
My mother used to read The Story About Ping by Marjorie Flack to me when I was young. This interpretation of the story, though, caused me to spew my drink all over my monitor:
You can check out some similarly ridiculous reviews about video games here:
http://gamesuck.com/archive/gamestop.html
Some of these reviews remind me of a brilliant quote by writer Terry Pratchett:
That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: “I can’t understand this, what’s wrong with me?” An American says: “I can’t understand this, what’s wrong with him?”
This was a rather long diatribe, so I’ve only posted part of it. You need to read the whole thing to fully appreciate the reviewer’s flight into conspiracy-land.
James Brown – Sex Machine [LIVE]
The sexual lyrics and voodoo rhythm of James Brown’s “Sex Machine” illustrate only one small aspect of how the United States has earned the well-deserved title of “The Great Satan”.
Brown croons, “Get up, get on up, like a sex machine!”
His freedom of expression is a God-given right but with any right goes the equally important but rarely expressed specter of having a God-oriented RESPONSIBILITY to choose wisely in thought, word and deed. Woe to any who cause others to stumble.
My friend, I assure you, freedom isn’t free and never has been. To believe that the ’60s and ’70s brought in “free” love or anything better than camel spit is a lie straight out of the fire and brimstone pits of eternally burning Hell. Leftist liberals in politics, education, media and entertainment have long assaulted godly values. In their evil efforts to usher in the New World Order (“Novus Ordo Seclorum”, see the back of any U.S. dollar bill), the liberals have trampled on the rights we all have for pure, clean, decency.
“Sex Machine” is a profound illustration of how Satan through his liberal henchmen attempts to enslave us to sin, diverting us from the truth and what is truly important while brainwashing us into a self-focus through diverse means of propaganda.
MAGNOLIA
————
What the hell was that movie about?
What was the story? Why do I care about any of the characters? The only guy I liked was Tom Cruis
I’m still trying to figure out what the story was, not what it was about (which is nothing), but what it was. Why should I expend all my energy to figure this out?
No disrespect to those who really liked this movie, but are you sure you’re not just trying to be weird?
miles davis “kind of blue” did he die of boredom ( i nearly did-can i sue)while making this ?
pink floyd – i didn’t appreciate this cd because i’m not a 60’s-hippy-loser-old fart-stoner
beatles white album – i thought nothing could be blander than the cover ’til i heard the music
beach boys “pet sounds” my pets make better sounds than this – dog spew,cat chunder,pig vomit
mike love was rumoured to change his name to mike hate (brian forever because you didn’t pay me royalties) after this ?
Jumanji – Chris Van Allsburg
(I wonder what this reviewer thought of “The Cat in the Hat”)
Van Allsburg’s Jumanji is a story about the unanticipated adventures that two bored and fidgety siblings left at home for an afternoon are thrust into as they play the anagogic board game, Jumanji. After seeing that the board game creates a lot of mystical happenings, they contemplate finishing the game to return to the warmth of their home. Van Allsburg seems to be asking his audience is to urge parents never to leave their children at home alone because bad things will happen. Children’s Literature scholar Joel Chaston notes that, “reinterpreting Oz films (like the film version of Jumanji which is reinterpreting version of the picture book) appears to require wrestling power away from strong child protagonists, especially girls, and suggesting all problems may be solved by retreating to one’s home” (19). However, the book contradicts this reading because all of the dangerous events in the book happen at home. Van Allsburg’s Jumanji, depicting some of the illustrations that are found in contemporary picture books, uses black-and-white three-dimensional drawings to complement and enhance the text. He evolves a visually impressive color of the protagonists’ journey. The use of black-and-white three-dimensional drawing also delivers a sense of safety because the protagonists’ sight is much keener at home when the game is out of it and their parents return. After his parents depart and Peter as he stands on a chair is shown on the top half of the page. This picture indicates that home is a place of freedom. Eventually the kids grow tired of their home and thus search for something more exciting to do. Of course, this is when they find the board game. During the course of the game, the siblings are located on the left of the page indicates they are not in control of the situation. The animals, that are secure, are placed on the right side of the page. By making the shape of the board game diagonal, the illustrator shows the reader that the game is ” dynamic” because diagonal shapes ” imply motion and tension” (—). The animals having pointed features (i.e., the rhino’s horns) adds to the tension that an individual may experience when their parents are not present. When their parents return, they are located in the center of the page. The ideal home is a place of safety. However, the kids experience a lot of turmoil at home and this is what makes Jumanji a low-rate picture book. In spite of its’ negative factors, I feel that Allsburg is somewhat biased. He makes the assertion that kids can always solve their problems by being at home with their parents. My question to Allsburg is what if the kids’ problem is at home with their parents. Perhaps, their father beats them. Would home be the best solution for the kid. No, in extreme cases such as this one, a kid needs to seek assistance outside of his/her home. Despite these problems, I find Jumanji a very exciting picture book because of Van Allsburg’s off- center imagination
Joyce’s ‘Dubliners’:
> This book is so full of crap. It’s awful…Actually, Frank McCourt’s
> Angela’s Ashes is a very well-written book and very enjoyable. Much
> more so than Dubliners.
About Joyce’s ‘Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man’:
> James Joyce is the most unreadable author to ever have been washed
> into existance from the womb of Ireland. It is an indication of the
> non-relevance of education today, that this book is required reading
> for many of our youths. This novel belongs on the mantle of some poor
> sod who can’t find anything better to do with his time other than
> perhaps wacking himself repeatedly on the genitals with a blunt object
> ad infinitum. Beleive me, this book is less painful, but only in that
> it ENDS. Avoid it at all costs, and punch anyone who recommends it to
> you square in the gob.
Depressing.
Alien
This film is a disgrace to sc-fi movies, June 23, 1999
Reviewer: A viewer
Any good sc-fi movies should have an meaningful and logical story, this is exactly what Alien lack. The CGI(if any) and special effect frankly not today’s standard which make this film nothing more than a piece of junk. I keep on asking this question when I watched this film: “If nobody came to this alien planet, how can the Aliens survive in the first place?”(This aliens are not intelligence enough to make any spaceship)If you looked for a film in similar genre I highly recommand you watch “The thing” instead. Alien is no more than the psychopath in “Friday the 13th” dressing in Alien suit. This film is just a waste of time and money. –This text refers to the DVD edition
Brazil (movie)
This was an excellent movie…, November 15, 2003
Reviewer: A viewer
FOR ME TO POOP ON!!!
I hate to bad-mouth movies, but I will not be able to cease apologizing to my poor friend who I asked to watch this with.
I would prefer getting multiple root canals to having to watch this movie again. It is a rare film that makes me cheer for the protagonist to just freakin’ DIE so that, if nothing else, it would end. Bravo.
The people who enjoy this movie are actually lying. They did not enjoy it, but they do not want to be alone in their suffering; therefore, they have given it multiple stars to trick you. Don’t let them win. I AM your friend. I wouldn’t steer you wrong. If you trust them and watch it, you will end up spending too much money attending film school to try to figure out what the heck that movie actually was.
I have to say that I agree 100% with the reviews of Bob Dylan. What a hack.
I would like to say that I personally don’t have a problem with people that don’t like something that is “critically acclaimed” or whatnot, and very often find myself disliking something considered a “classic”. However, that opinion should have a decent basis and a person should be able to back it up. What irritates me is the reviews about how “no one ever talked like that” or “the characters are unbelievable” or “the movie should be made in color” when in referrence to something more than 50 years old. I am seriously starting to believe that there are many people reading these things in school now falling asleep because the books are “so bad” mostly because they also slept through history class and do not understand the social and political context of the books, films and music. It also amuses me the number of people that say “no one liked it in my class” or “everyone hated it!”. Today it is “cool” to not like what “old” people like so a lot of people don’t bother trying to understand classics and instead just chalk them up as being stupid and old.
And for my addition:
The War of the Worlds
-My 6th grade “advanced” class read this. EVERY SINGLE PERSON HATED IT!! do not read it. in some parts, it is soooo long because of unnesscery details, and then he doesn’t gives enough detail in other parts. the book was like a very long sentence. hg wells may be one of the best writers in history, but not in my book! martians invade, martians take over, somehow, the martians are not defeated by fighting, they are defeated by a bacteria! HEY! DING DONG THE MARTIANS ARE DEAD! THEY’VE GONE WHERE THE GOBLINS GO! BELOW! BELOW! BELOW! NOT! do not read this book. maybe the martians could have beamed down here and taken hg wells!!
-this book is bouring I got a F-for it in class for sleeping. no one should have to go through it.this book makes you what to go to a tower and start shooting
-This book didn’t deserve five stars. This book was not exciting. It is not going to happen is real life what happened in the book. Nobody liked it in class.
-I am not the best reader in the world , and I hardly ever pick up a book , read , and relax , but it doesn’t take a scientist to figure out Wells was on medication when he wrote this. I’m even a big science fiction fan , but this book was to odd to like. I am even one of the biggest fans of the hit T.V. show “The X-Files”. To even understand a little of this book , I had to go over everything just I already red. It was the worst book I’ve ever laid eyes apon.
I would like to say that I personally don’t have a problem with people that don’t like something that is “critically acclaimed” or whatnot, and very often find myself disliking something considered a “classic”. However, that opinion should have a decent basis and a person should be able to back it up. What irritates me is the reviews about how “no one ever talked like that” or “the characters are unbelievable” or “the movie should be made in color” when in referrence to something more than 50 years old. I am seriously starting to believe that there are many people reading these things in school now falling asleep because the books are “so bad” mostly because they also slept through history class and do not understand the social and political context of the books, films and music. It also amuses me the number of people that say “no one liked it in my class” or “everyone hated it!”. Today it is “cool” to not like what “old” people like so a lot of people don’t bother trying to understand classics and instead just chalk them up as being stupid and old.
And for my addition:
The War of the Worlds
-My 6th grade “advanced” class read this. EVERY SINGLE PERSON HATED IT!! do not read it. in some parts, it is soooo long because of unnesscery details, and then he doesn’t gives enough detail in other parts. the book was like a very long sentence. hg wells may be one of the best writers in history, but not in my book! martians invade, martians take over, somehow, the martians are not defeated by fighting, they are defeated by a bacteria! HEY! DING DONG THE MARTIANS ARE DEAD! THEY’VE GONE WHERE THE GOBLINS GO! BELOW! BELOW! BELOW! NOT! do not read this book. maybe the martians could have beamed down here and taken hg wells!!
-this book is bouring I got a F-for it in class for sleeping. no one should have to go through it.this book makes you what to go to a tower and start shooting
-This book didn’t deserve five stars. This book was not exciting. It is not going to happen is real life what happened in the book. Nobody liked it in class.
-I am not the best reader in the world , and I hardly ever pick up a book , read , and relax , but it doesn’t take a scientist to figure out Wells was on medication when he wrote this. I’m even a big science fiction fan , but this book was to odd to like. I am even one of the biggest fans of the hit T.V. show “The X-Files”. To even understand a little of this book , I had to go over everything just I already red. It was the worst book I’ve ever laid eyes apon.
You’re an imbecile, Jack. This game is not a matter of weeding out and alienating people who dare not to like so-called classics. This game is, as the TITLE of it indicates, about KNEE-JERK CONTRARIAN reviews. People who clearly only dislike a given work because they think everybody else loves it.
Here’s what the game isn’t about:
A man decides to read Hamlet. He finds it dull and hard to follow. He realizes that this is only his opinion. He goes to Amazon and posts “I didn’t really enjoy this play. I found it kind of dull and hard to follow.” In that, he has stated his opinion WITHOUT being contrary or rash.
Here’s what the game is about:
A man decides to read Hamlet. Before he opens it he is already thinking “It can’t be THAT good.” He reads half of it and goes to Amazon.com to weigh in his opinion. “Tihs is the worst peiece of crap I have ever read. Anyone who likes this has to be completely retarded. I have read many books and went to college. I konw crap when i read it and this is crap. avoid at alkl costs!!”
YES, Jack, everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion. YES, “classics” are generally overrated to varying extents. YES, it is OK not to like something that everybody else likes. NOBODY IS DENYING THAT. However, a person who gives 1 star to Pet Sounds because it “doesnt have any songs about the beach” has obviously missed the point of the album. If you dislike a turtle for being a bad airplane, you’re inviting some criticism for yourself.
Yeah, I would say your comments are knee-jerk contrarian in nature. If you read the post beyond the first two paragraphs, you would realize that the joke is supposed to be comments like “I’m pretty sure I will enjoy it a lot more when Warner Bros finally gets around to releasing the colorized version, the way this movie needs to be seen – the world is not black and white, why should our movies be?”
And look at how many of the comments are people actually SAYING “It doesn’t make sense!!! What a bad book/movie/album/whatever”
Somebody is attacked for hating, say, The White Album because there is very little reason TO hate The White Album. If you like popular music to any extent, The White Album is extremely acessible. And even if you don’t like popular music, if you’re going to say you “hate” something then it is implied that you have given some thought to the matter. Unless you can explain how it is especially substandard for the popular music genre or could say you hate popular music as a whole, the decent thing to do is say “The White Album didn’t really appeal to me.”
The Stand: Complete and Uncut – by Stephen King
Here’s a better alternative, April 2, 1999
Insert the wakizashi (Japanese short sword) into the lower left abdomen. Cut across the peritoneal cavity to the lower right abdomen before centering the blade. Now cut quickly upwards, clenching your teeth against the incredible pain, until you jar against the xiphoid process at the base of the sternum. Pitch headfirst into your own entrails. Congratulations, now you’ll never have to read this absurd and ludicrous book again. Better yet, If Mr King would follow the above instructions, none of us would ever have to read a book this bad again.
The Velvet Underground – White Light / White Heat
Boards of Canada – Music Has The Right To Children
The Stooges- “Fun house”
Reviewer: Tylan (Long Beach, CA)
I heard about the stooges on the vh1 punk show and a few people told me this is a clasic punk cd but guess what it aint punk. This sounds like the Rolling Stones or something u have a serius problem if u think its punk. Check out NOFX, Lag wagon, MxPx, American Hifi, Sr-71, SUM41, Good Charlote, or Dead Kennedie’s if u want 2 hear what real punk sounds like.
On the other hand, all 16 reviews for Ornette Coleman’s “The Shape of Jazz to Come” are positively gushing!
The book Lord of the Flies, by William Golding:
“I seldomly read a book that makes me want to drink my own urine. ”
The Fellowship of the Ring (The Lord of the Rings, Part 1):
1.
“I got this novel because the movie rocked, but it sucked. Who is that Tom bombadil guy and why did they add him? Or those stupid songs? And they ruined the cool intro and never showed Saruman’s side of things in the book, making it all one sided. At least it ended where the movie did, but wth is up with Boromir not dead at the end of it? Whoever wrote this should have paid more attention to the script. The characters had FLAWS in it. And doubts. I don’t plan to read the others.”
2.
“BECAUSE of the genius of Peter Jackson I set out to read this book of Jrr Tolkin’s. BECAUSE of the brillience of Peter Jackson I waded through one hundred pages of this book. But all too no avale: fact is, Tolkin wasn’t that much of a genius as Peter Jackon is.
Sadly i must conclude this because this book was so porely written. It is tedius to read all the details of Hobits lives and all the poems are bad to. I thought it would be like the movies but Mr. Tolkin writes with no emotions, he’s all about the detail but please Mr. Tolkin realise that details arent the story and they arent the characters you have to pay attention to those things to or people cant be interested in your characters, ‘kay?
No offense but you shoud be very glad that Peter Jackson has taken this story and made it so anyone in the world can love it. I don’t know if your writing sequals to the Lord of the Rings series with Sam’s kids or anything or not but if you do you should look up Peter Jackson and ask him about his characters and story skills because he *understands* these things. just a helpful suggestian, ‘kay?
But if you MUST read this skip the opening pages and maps and start with the first chapters which are better than the stuff that comes before it but dont say you weren’t warned. Tolkin impresses us with his educatian but not with his characters or story skills, sorry but its true so thats all.”
Some of these are funny, however, you really can’t blame people for bashing Norah Jones. Her album doesn’t excatly carry the same kind of respect that Citizen Kane or Bob Dylan. I, most people that I know, find her music boring. It really has been done before, and better.
Jack:
yes.
This is a little off topic and all over the place, but I can’t help but think about it as I go down the literature stuff here.
I graduated high school last year. I think much of how people (at least students) feel about classics is the fault of incompetent, unenthusiastic teachers and an illogical curriculum. You can’t blame students for not being interested in any subject if it is poorly taught, and doesn’t seem relevant to everyday life. It’s up to the teacher to justify interest in something completely foreign to a student’s every experience.
I wondered why I read certain books for English. Most of my classmates probably felt the same way. English differs from all other major courses in that there isn’t a standard curriculum. In every math and science class, you are taught the same thing in the same order. The same goes for humanities classes in history and language. English is the only one that doesn’t follow a regular format.
When I was in high school, No Child Left Behind hadn’t come into effect, so I don’t know how it is now. There was no clear cut purpose, so there weren’t any clear results. Some students with personal skill, talent, or inclination did well; others managed to improve. Most performed at the same acceptable level throughout. I got better and then worse. Here are some of the inconsistencies and other problems:
–I had a grammar book in 9th grade, but I never used it. I didn’t learn grammar until 10th grade, and then there was no grammar in 11th and 12th.
–Each year we had to write essays. In 9th grade, my class did a diagnostic. The teacher said that one student wrote a better essay, which unfortunately wasn’t that good. You’d think we would learn something that would bring us all up to the same page during the year, that she would do something with us so our writing couldn’t be insulted like that the next year. Essays just kept coming all four years, with minimal instruction on how to write, and nothing new on writing one year to the next.
–We read books, and the school handbook lists certain books that have to be read by all students for each grade. In 9th grade a Shakespeare play had to be taught, either Julius Caesar or some other one. A same year friend at another school was reading Romeo and Juliet. We read that in 11th grade. By the time I graduated, I didn’t find there to be any system to why books were required for a particular year, or why a teacher chose the remaining books. It didn’t seem critical how many we read and what we read, the way that learning about the Civil War in American history, or mitosis in biology is a critical part of the course. I know it’s obvious that works read for English will vary, but if out of all the books that could be taught, these are chosen, teachers and administrators ought to be able to readily give explanations for the choices. I’ve read some books since high school that made me wonder why these weren’t assigned. I would have preferred more Camus and Dostoevsky to English authors like Chaucer, Shakespeare, George Eliot, and Brontes.
–On top of the arbitrary selection, when we read books it was usually under the framework of work in the form of notes, questions, characters–that is, plot details, fictitious facts. When this is what classics are boiled down to, and this is treated as what matters and what we ought to get out of a book, it makes sense for students not to see books as more than a chore, and not to appreciate the book outside the details. So while every student has some book they like, despite all the teaching, they don’t get much out of all the other books, and they aren’t very informed about them.
–Each year has some pointless theme. Most people don’t pay attention to this.
–Each summer has required reading. Who knows what point this had? These are novels about other cultures, and we never discuss them after the first week, when there’s a test on them.
–Poetry was very badly taught. I never really knew why some of it existed, and sometimes I wondered why it was ever brought up. In 9th grade we did some poetry presentations. I couldn’t understand and didn’t really like Robert Browning, but I had to research him on my own. I don’t think many other students fared better, depending on their poet. In 12th grade, we had poems throughout the year. I didn’t like any of them. There are two poems I remember liking.
–When I told teachers that I couldn’t see why a book was a classic they just didn’t have an explanation for me. On top of that, they were ignorant themselves about context of works they taught and maybe the books themselves, they didn’t always seem to like or have an interest in the books, or their interest was incomprehensible to the students. By the end of high school, there were books I liked, but I didn’t have much to say about them. Most books I just didn’t think were that great, and while I didn’t hate them, a lot of times I felt they were a waste of my time.
I’ll go into some examples of some classics we did.
To Kill a Mockingbird was the first book with a classic reputation I really couldn’t understand. I asked the teacher, and she didn’t have an explanation for me. I asked a classmate why did this book deserve to win the Pulitzer Prize, and he said, “Maybe all the other books that year were really bad.” I hadn’t made up my mind to dismiss the book, but I just didn’t understand why it was considered great. You might say I was ignorant, I was just a 9th grader then.
I don’t think I misunderstood it by that much. If I reread it today, I might have a better feel of the intended perspective of a little girl, the Boo Radley allegory might be more striking. My teacher made no attempt to emphasize these and other literary qualities. She didn’t know about the Scottsboro case that the book reminded me of. And later on, when I read A Passage to India, another less well known classic, I noticed it seemed similar to Mockingbird in its basic plot, but I doubted my 9th grade teacher knew about that book.
In 11th grade I had my worst English teacher for an “honors” section. It was his incompetence that made me take a second look at everything in school, including the selection of books. When we had to read Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison, most of the class that read The Bluest Eye the year before was groaning and complaining. He told us what people on this site are saying, that we shouldn’t just dismiss a book we don’t like if it’s a classic and has all this acclaim. He taught it terribly, doing nothing to convince the students that didn’t like Morrison that the book was worthwhile. In the middle of teaching it, he spent over a month teaching for a state standardized test. I don’t think other teachers did the same.
In the same year, we had to read The Great Gatsby. I didn’t understand some of the book, but I kind of liked it-what would you say to this uninformed but positive opinion?–but others didn’t. I think for this book, the teacher said that he didn’t like it when he read it for high school himself, but he liked it when he came back to it as an adult. That was all he had to say, a completely useless statement, unsupported by any evidence of personal interest. I remember we had a list of characters and terms to write down, and some question sheets.
The year before, a substitute teacher said she learned ancient Greek to read the Iliad. I think she also told us that some literature we have to learn to appreciate over time.
In 12th grade, we were told that Metamorphosis was required throughout the school district. He commented it must have been interesting in the room where they made this decision. The teacher had disappointingly little to say beyond that.
Kurt Vonnegut, Jailbird
Perhaps not as iconic a work as Slaughterhouse Five or Cat’s Cradle, but certainly an amusing example of life without sentience.
Who’s the idiot who wrote the following
“I bought this DVD as a way to show off my new DVD player to my family. I had seen the movie several times in the theater, and knew its bright colors would be beautiful on my TV screen.
To my horror, I saw that Columbia had seen fit to alter a masterpiece. Yes, the film came complete with those horrific black bars at the top and bottom of my screen, which obscured about half of the picture. I’ve seen those bars on the “artsy” videos on TV, and I sometimes enjoy them. But this is a classic work of art! You don’t try to make it “hip” and “relevant” with modern touches. It would be like adding a moustache to the Mona Lisa.
Until Columbia drops the act and releases “Lawrence of Arabia” without those bars, letting us see all of the picture, stay away.”
Lawrence of arabia was shot in cinemascope a 2,35 aspect ratio picture 16/9 means 1.77 aspect ratio, they add balck bar on top and bottom because otherwise the image would have been cropped on the side, learn first the difference between tv and cinema images size you stupid moron
This review is from: Ender’s Game (Ender, Book 1) (Mass Market Paperback)
I guess there’s no accounting for taste, but why does anyone like this book? The idea of a 6 year-old military genius is absurd. And if there was one, the idea that the people of power would put a child in command of anything is even more absurd. Does Card know any human beings? Can’t tell from reading his book. As for the storyline, it’s trite and extremely predictible. The subplot about the boy and girl who take over the world via USENET is even more unbelievable than the main plot. (Doesn’t Card realize that the people who run things don’t have time to read USENET and couldn’t care less what is said there?) I can’t think of a more naive book. If you know nothing about military matters, human nature, and the nature of power, this book might appeal. But only if you also have no taste in writing. To those who like this book and are over 14 years old I can only say: read more!! I suggest something like Dune for a story with a more realistic picture of the complexies of human nature. Or some Mark Twain to get an idea of the difference between clear writing and good writing.
I love many of the negative Pan’s Labyrinth reviews:
– The movie is in Spanish with English subtitles, April 7, 2009
By Movie Lover “Movie Lover” (Stafford, VA USA) – See all my reviews
I was so upset to find that this was spanish with english subtitles. None of the most helpful reviews tell you this, so be sure to pay close attention to the information that amazon does supply. You just have to read it for yourself. I want this movie in english sooooo bad!
– I never need to see this movie again. It looks lovely, but it is beyond brutal and scaring. I’d rather watch Schindler’s List again. All of the lovely beauty and fantasy is ruined by the excessive violence. This is NOT a fantasy film it’s a war movie with creepy dream sequences.
Try Ledgend, Labyrinth, or Mirror Mask for better fantasy with a similar look.
For better war films try Bridge Over the River Kwai, Das Boot (subtitles), Mash, Glory, Midnight Clear, and Lawrence of Arabia. My navy seal father-in-law liked Apocalypse Now and Full Metal Jacket, and Letters From Iwa Jima (subtitles).
My favourites:
-so unbearably dull, September 29, 2007
By B. Quincy – See all my reviews
where to start? (spoilers)
-the pacing was mind-numbingly slow–I was desperate for the film to be over five minutes in
-the characters are SO flat–I was only too glad that the Captain shot Ofelia in the end. Not something I feel good about, but as a character Ofelia is depthless and excruciatingly daft. Why she loves her mother, who is also depthless and daft, is a mystery. (Thankfully, she dies in childbirth. Again, not something I feel good about.) Why she imagines herself an important princess of an imaginary kingdom (for in the end, the faun and the fantasy are proved to be entirely a figment of Ofelia’s victimized psyche) when she is so intolerably stupid is another mystery. For someone who is such an avid reader, Ofelia lacks any sense.
For instance, if a Faun sends you to a place to complete a task, a place which he says is laden with rich foods which you MUST NOT EAT lest you disrupt a sleeping creature, you do what he says. When you arrive to this place where the creature slumbers at the table covered with rich food, and there is a plate before the creature with two EYES set on it, you do as the Faun says. Moreover, if the ceiling above the table showcases a series of paintings depicting this creature DEVOURING CHILDREN in gruesome ways, and if there is a pile of child-sized shoes beside the table, oughn’t you not eat the food?
None of these details clue Ofelia in, and she picks a couple of grapes at the same time that her fairy helpers are telling her not to. The stupid girl very rudely swats them away. The grotesque creature wakes up and fits the two eyes on the plate in the sockets IN ITS HANDS, and then proceeds to attack Ofelia (but not before gobbling up two of her poor fairy helpers), who is ENTIRELY surprised.
-the real villain of the piece is the mindlessly murderous fascist, known only as the Captain–is it redundant to complain of a fascist murderer being one dimensional?
-the fantasy element was a big letdown – the makeup and special effects of the Faun and the other magical creatures Ofelia encounters are fantastic, but they comprise only a fraction of the movie, the rest of it being the brutal actions of the Captain.
-I wouldn’t have minded the violence if the film had justified it.
Ultimately the fantasy elements clashed with the real world elements. The film was really a Grimmed-up interpretation of Alice in Wonderland, without the intelligence or wit of the Alice books and without anything consequential or moral coming at the end of a Grimm tale.
Very boring.
Worth watching once, but be warned: you’ll be clutching for something to bludgeon yourself with less than halfway through.
It’s so tedious.
-Avoid this flick at all costs, people! It is crazy and it doesn’t make any sense, plus (spoiler alert!) there is no Pan even though there is a labyrinth. I think they should have put more work into the script and put in somebody named Pan, so we could enjoy his labyrinth.
This movie is like a cross between “The Wizard of Oz” and “We’re No Angels,” in that it is about a journey a little girl takes that happens in the olden days. She is a girl whose father is very mean because he spends his whole time shaving and not taking her to the zoo or other places kids like. Consequently she creates a world of her own that is like a zoo, and is filled with magic, crickets, and no carpeting.
The dude with eyes in his hands is excellent and if they ever do a sequel (and I pray that they don’t) they should make the whole movie about him. For instance, what does he eat (besides fairies)? Why are his eyeballs in his hands? Does he use saline solution instead of handsoap? These unanswered questions are just part of the problem I have with this filmmaker’s “vision.”
And what a vision it is. A lot of this movie is very depressing, and I don’t think children should be depressed because they are our future. Moreover, a better moral would have been for the little girl to overcome some of her “issues” and deal with the fact that stepfathers may be a little rough around the edges but at least their eyeballs are in their head.
Oh, also this movie is completely foreign and so you have to read the whole thing. I think it would have been much better in English!!!!
Only see this movie if it is enforced upon you or you are trying to curry favor with somebody cool.
Andrei Tarkovsky’s ‘Solaris’ (1972).
Hailed critically as one of the greatest science fiction films of all time by one of the greatest film directors.
The Guardian newspaper once reviewed it as ‘sort of Star Trek meets Ingmar Bergman’. Contemptible.
The remake with Clooney I thought was quite good for Hollywood, but the original towers above it.
Amazon efforts:
‘Apart from the end, a few chronological changes, and some details, it is a boring, lenghty, rather mediocre, and useless adaptation of the book.’
‘There is nothing in the film I would call brilliant. The acting is so-so (having the lead walking around looking at things to creepy music for an hour is pretty lame), the photography is average, and the script doesn’t do justice to the original material.’
‘Theres no soundtrack to speak of, I guess the music just gets in the way of the talking.’
‘Why evolution is true’ by Jerry Coyne.
Amazon product description (from Publishers’ Weekly): ‘With great care, attention to the scientific evidence and a wonderfully accessible style, Coyne, an evolutionary geneticist at the University of Chicago, presents an overwhelming case for evolution.’
Multiple glowing reviews…..but….
This book didn’t manage to sway the views of one A.Jeans Nightspore, however. My favourite bit in Mr/Ms Nightspore’s effort, (excerpts below) is: ‘[Darwin’s] ego was too big for his pants unfortunately.’
Lowlights:
‘There are no reasons left to believe in evolution’
‘I don’t know whether to laugh or cry which is perhaps why I’m doing both and the moment, lamenting the gullability of those who aren’t knowledgeable enough to know the truth. Oh, and in case you thought I don’t know about genetics here’s a little wake-up call for you: Genetics doesn’t prove evolution. Saying that is does is tantamount to saying that me getting fatter or someone growing older is proof of evolution in which case: Darwin didn’t prove anything! Imagine how much time we could have saved if he’d just said that me getting fatter is the greatest discovery since Galileo. It would have saved me alot of time reading obtuse books. Thanks alot Darwin! ‘
‘the line between Lamarckism and Darwinism was blurry to begin with and Darwin never showed the “Origin of Species”. His ego was too big for his pants unfortunately. Now people have gotten the theory into such a mess because of this failure to clarify, rendering Lamarckism and Darwinism essentially the same only that praise is given to one while denied the other in order to conceal the embarassingly obvious agreements between them.
‘If the author or any evolutionists should happen to be offended by anything I’ve said I don’t really care because as far as I’m concerned the world has been bending over backwards for you guys 150 years too long. No one can support Darwinism without necessitating the inheritance of aquired characteristics, that completely bogus hypothesis that no one believes in but everyone is constantly suckered into believing.’
Jane Eyre
This book should not be placed in the same class with other “classic” authors who deserve their place. This book is a bore, the main character is a whiny cry-baby and the book goes nowhere for a long time. Jane has a very thick skull and all the obvious things fly over her head. This book should not be a classic, and I do not understand why it is one.
Die Hard:
“I bought this for my three year old and was shocked to see how violent and filthy it was. The “F” word was used many times and there were many scenes with shooting and death and violence.
Terible. By the way, I’m posting my name the way it is so nobody will know my E-mAil address.”
Oh dear.
This has made me really sad.
Barton Fink
worst movie ever
best part – wallpaper peeling off walls
Just my two cents on the matter of criticizing classics: I believe it’s fine to criticize revered works(or the whole idea of “classics”, or the methods of teaching them), but it should be done from an informed perspective, not merely, “I had to read this in class and hate it cause they talk funny”.
An excerpt from a review of Don DeLillo’s White Noise(I think reviews like this are often at their “best” when they use the review forum as a soapbox for barely-related matters):
—
The cartoonish characters are about as credible as the windbag Biden is on foreign policy. This excruciatingly tedious literary (as if?) experience approximates a painfully extended, cliche spewing Barak Hussein Obama campaign rally with a decided similar lack of perspicacity. Offering absolutely nothing to the beholder but hapless, almost anal vacuity and tortuous dullardish navel gazing, all enmeshed in regular, almost Fred Flintstonesque postmodern hectoring with all the depth of a Hannah Montana puke fest.
—
http://www.amazon.com/review/R1NUUCN480270Y/ref=cm_cr_pr_cmt?ie=UTF8&ASIN=0140283307&nodeID=#wasThisHelpful
The Inferno:
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Dante’s acclaimed Inferno is one of the worst books ever written. The language itself is confusing enough but to make things worse, a lot of references are added into the story further confusing people.
The worst part of the Inferno is all the references that no one understands. While touring different levels of hell, Dante meets many people that were of historical significance at the time that the novel was written. Modern readers, however, do not understand the references and loose a large part of the meaning of the novel.
Secondly, the novel itself is fairly hard to follow. The plot is not the hard part to understand, but the language itself is. The whole novel is written in a strange meter of three lines at a time then a single line at the end of each canto. Modern translations also loose meaning because they translate the novel from 16th century Italian. When the original text was translated into English, the lines were changed so that they would still fit the meter of the original Italian.
Lastly, the characters have no depth. For example, Dante’s guide, Virgil, does nothing to answer many of Dante’s questions. Dante himself lacks depth in that he does not question what he is told. It is as if none of the characters cared about what happens to them. They are simply there.
Dante’s Inferno is a poor example of literature and has almost no literary value.
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http://www.amazon.com/review/R2O82C9RS793PD/ref=cm_srch_res_rtr_alt_1
To be fair, it does speak to the plight of the Guatemalan coffee farmer peasantry in an age of increasing colonialism and diminishing resources. That being said, though, the central premise, while eloquently stated, is grossly undermined by the frailty (and ultimate solipsism) of its inherent tenets.
Where The Wild Things Are should leave its childish and immature “darkness” behind and get with the program. Have we lost sight of normalcy? What’s wrong with being a good American kid?!